砂漠のJeffire

Jeffirean Stories

Thursday, January 12, 2006

This afternoon I was surfing Friendster to see how some of my old friends are getting on. As I looked at some of their latest updates, the memories of the past returned.

For my secondary school years, I can recall nothing much to smile about except for the table tennis training we used to have during recess, after school, in the shooting range in our school. Those were the really fun days with your really good friends! Too bad that's just a bright dot among a whole patch of dark colours. My secondary school life only gave me unhappy memories of trying to catch up with people whom I can never catch up with, be it social status, academic results, wealth, love life, knowledge, and whatever you can name. Of course it was also a wake-up call to me that I should not live in my own fantasy world anymore.

Reality is cruel.

Yet people have always said, it takes cruelty to be kind. True, you can only make steel stronger after intense heat and hammering. So conveniently, the friendster network linked me back to my JC days, the 7seas, and company. I recall again about life in JC. Yes, it was hectic. But it was fun, I had my good times and bad times. Did I grow up? Yes I did. No I did not. What does it take to become the better person I had always wanted to be?

I am not really sure.

What do we always want in life that will finally satisfy our desire to be more of a pacesetter than a pack-chaser? Nobody wants to be that odd one chasing the whole pack. Yet life is not exactly a race. Some people have absolutely no inkling that there is huge competition striving to be one of the top dogs (pretty apt for the new year, eh?) while others are so fearful of being stamped on by others. Well, to me, it is a race to be what you want to be. If you want to be a top dog, you have to run faster yourself first before you look around to see where is the main pack or even where is the top dog's position at the moment. Or if you are content being part of the pack, so be it, pace yourself to stay relevant.

It leads me to the final question: What do I want to be exactly? The top dog, the relevant dog or the packchaser?

Have you ever seen my life goals before? If you look at it from the descending point of view, it goes like this:

a. Reafforest the desert (and stay by the beach)
b. Live in a beautiful but small home.
c. Earn SGD1 million by 25
d. Sleep till 10am to work, work till anytime I like, and still be helpful to society, school and business.

Life goals... if we didn't achieve them in our lives, are we considered livelong failures? If we are failures, how should we get up and move on with our lives? Why should we become failures in the first case? Do you know what is the meaning of living in success vs success in living?

I wish the hug was not ended by the call of work.
I wish the kiss was not ended by the bell of school.
I wish you will not be saying goodbye because I had to fulfil my commitment to someone else.

You get it?

Wandering Mind
Jeffire

Acknowledged my existence at
7:19 PM