Jeffirean Stories
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
I waited so long for Blogger to work!
It's been a torrential weekend...rain and trouble in a mix. BGS ended in a dramatic way as we met CY and she was very kind to give us options. Like I always thought, she's a reasonable person, the rumours were, ya, rumours. How could the girls be so serious about rumours? Nevertheless it's all over. In fact it was an issue of Cindy and ZC ploughing through the other topic on Print Advertising and the other two girls doing the least. Cindy and ZC were so overworked and disappointed. And in the the end they all picked to go with my report despite CY giving us options to follow whichever report we thought was better. I really pray my abnormal way of presenting business ethics issues will get to her... there were some tidbits inside the report so it should help a bit.
AS report was also over, thanks to 9K, Sneha and BY, they are really efficient and cooperative people. Then MA report is also over too! Robin, Yuvan, Michelle, Reina were all great people who were very hardworking. I was quite happy with these teammates too. Yay! Now I owe Reina lunch and Joyce owes me lunch.. wonder how should I settle them.. maybe get them to lunch together. Hahaha. Then maybe I can save my time...one bird kill 2 stones.
Why I am so anxious to bring this post is because we finally got the planning for the holiday trip started! Yay~~ The 7Seas brothers will eventually be invited to go with me to Desaru in Malaysia, and then maybe some other place, in all 3 days 2 nights, I guess. I hope this time we can gather all the people. It needn't be an expensive trip I suppose, just get out of Singapore and get a break out there...Yet since we have to get ALL the brothers, then have to wait for Jinki to return in Jun. And he may not be able to fork out so much time...so maybe have to cut short the trip. Anyway when they read this post we will know how to proceed from there on.
However, I will organise a separate one with my SMU friends! Yay. Wonder who should I ask along... go for a trip to Malaysia... I suppose it will be something like this. Day 1 take bus to JB. Then take bus to Desaru if there is one (I'm still trying to find), if not take a cab. Then enjoy the beach for one day, stay there for the night and then go to the interstate interchange and take a bus northwards to Malacca.. This time I want to revisit the places with people! Then finally we will stay there and return home the next day after the shopping! Hahaha.
After the trip I will be working a temporary job for the holidays until Jun I guess. But if possible I will like to work till July and then save enough money to go Taiwan with Chris and my army chaps! I wonder if I can really go there to enjoy the summer~~~
So much to work for! I am now so happy~~And thanks a million to Jinki who dedicated a post to me! Next time I will dedicate a post to him and subsequently to many other people too! Maybe can write 50 posts in 50 days for 50 different people. Hahaha. I also look forward to installing my training program so that my goal for a image changeover will be fulfilled on my coming birthday this year. It will be the best present I can get myself with! The sweetness of hard work~
"The water is sweet only when you are thirsty. Make yourself thirsty for success so that it will be sweeter"
Banzai for all!
Jeffire
Acknowledged my existence at
11:51 PM
Saturday, March 26, 2005
Ever since I declared I would work hard for my stuff, it seemed like I had to burn everyday in school. Wednesday I was in school till 830pm. Thursday I was in school from 11am to 1130pm. Even Good Friday I had to spend my entire day in school from 1030am to 1130pm.
What did I get in return?
More work and more work. Ridiculously, my part time job boss decided to extend my working hours just for tomorrow, 10am-10pm. What a piece of rubbish life I am leading.
If my BGS team was reading this (I certainly hope they will), I would like to explain why I did the report on my own instead of enlisting your help.
1. My weekends are taken up by work.
2. You guys have never seem to respond to any of my emails.
3. You guys seem to have done nothing yet.
4. You guys seem to have plonked the weekend to finish up the report.
5. Since my life is so cheap that I don't have 2 weekends to plonk down to work with you, possibly from morning to midnight,
6. Might as well I burn it when I can afford it.
7. Those midnights we spent doing the BGS report took at least 1/10 of my life away.
8. Because I have a chronic illness you guys never knew, the length of my life is only 1/2 of yours, assuming you are living an average lifespan.
9. To save my paltry life, I rather burn 2 some weekdays and do all the work.
10. You could help to save my life by following what I prescribed.
11. By following what I prescribed you will respond to my emails.
12. If I don't get your email, it means you want to kill me.
13. If killing a person is consider murder, and murder is a sin,
14. You are a sinner.
Yeah, I am a man of my word. If I said I will do it, no matter how long it takes, I will do it. If I did not do it, I have failed in my responsibility but I will try to compensate for your losses.
But will someone do the same for me? If I worked my guts out for you, will you even at least turn back and take a look at me?
Jeffire's Principle of Reflective Goodness
1. Do unto others what you want others to do to you.
2. Be kind to others and do your best for them.
3. Hope that they return the goodness to you.
4. If they do, give back more to them.
5. If they don't, abandon all relations with them.
Someday, I hope to find a person who will walk home with me together.
Today is Jeff Chang's birthday! Happy Birthday to him!
Here's a chorus of his song which I dedicate to all of you...
雨后看见彩虹 像你见我挥手 立刻为我停泊解忧
雨后看见彩虹 在落单的时候 朋友多么暖人心窝
回忆里你陪我一程 这份情 永留我心中
雨后看见彩虹 不知何时还能重逢
雨后出现彩虹 总会看见你的笑容...
After the rain when I see the rainbow
It looks like you are waving to me
Stopping immediately to take away my sorrows
After the rain when I see the rainbow
When left alone
Friends are so warm
In my memory, you accompanied me through a journey
This kindness, will always stay in my heart
After the rain when I see the rainbow
I wonder when will we meet again?
After the rain, the rainbow appears
I can always see your smile...
Be my rainbow and walk home with me
Jeffire
Acknowledged my existence at
1:20 AM
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Yay!
Although today we didn't manage to catch the movie, Kevin and I had a great dinner together. Too bad I spoke too much and didn't let him say enough....sorry chap! Too happy le! Cos like the last time I went out with friends was the ktv in Feb... kinda no life hor? Anyway thanks for your time, and see you again in the holidays!! Let you talk 1 hour!! Dun keep saying "I dunno la, but.." Haha. Just say it~
Other than that, the days have been pretty fine without much hassle. Probably projects still bug around, but they are under control. I know how much time I need to do every segment. I know what I am going to do for my parts, so I guess being in control makes my life much easier.
To fill up this blog, because in fact I have nothing else to report, maybe I will write about girls in my life...no that I like them or what, just that they left some impact on my life.
Let's start from primary school...
1. Ms Xie Huiru
Huiru has always been the big sister to everyone in school. A caring, fun-loving, positive girl who was the head prefect of school! Haha. The biggest impact she left on my life was beating me in the primary 1 overall school ranking by that tiny weeny 0.1%... arghz. That sparked me up to have this idea in primary school - "I must not lose to any girl in school". On hindsight, it's quite stupid of me...
2. Ms Anthea Goh
Anthea was my classmate in primary 1 and the incident she left a deep impression on me was that "you know medicated oil can be drank?". It's not really that edible medical oil impressed me, but the need to read FINE PRINT, labelling and instructions. A great lesson learnt. Moreover, it's certainly a lesson on risk taking. Do you want to believe her words? How do you make sure you can trust her? Things like that.
3. Ms Felicia Yap
Felicia was named 1 of the 4 heavenly queens in primary school, and one stupid thing I did was that when my guy friends hid in my room to play 'truth and dare' and I revealed that I liked her. The next day it was a mess, but luckily she doesn't bother and I had better things to do than indulge in this kiddy stuff of guy like girls and troubles like that. Nonetheless, it made me felt that girls were trouble. (although the cause of this incident was my stupid mouth, haha)
4. Ms Chen Jinqi (aka Ms Hiei)
Jinqi was my penpal since end of secondary 2 till year 2000! Thanks to her words, I manage to struggle through the secondary years..heh. Fate played a big part here, plus my risk taking mindset....a great win i must say. Jinqi is still my good friend even though the past 7 years we have known each other we had only met once despite living 2km apart from each other. Must really thank her! Thank you Hiei! It's a long story to say but if you want to know, ask la..
5. Ms Jayne Lee
Jayne is what I say, frankly, a hot..........potato! Hahaha. She is what you want to have when you feel cold, but she's really hard to catch! Nonetheless, we were the best partners in YJC student council, being in the same committee. Enjoyed working with her everyday trying to stop cars, enjoyed spouting rubbish, quarrelling (and winning the quarrel later) and her singing rocks! Another great friend till now. Hi 5~!
6. Ms Dorothy Chia
Dorothy was my JC term 1 classmate for the 1st 3 mths. What was so impressive was her demure personality...never one to blow up..never one to shout...the exact opposite of me! Hahaha.
7. Ms Boo Shuhui
Without Shuhui I would never had endured the horrible times of doing my computing project...spent countless nights and midnights doing it and she was always there to keep me awake with our discussions on music and jap shows....haha. Too bad we dun keep in touch now....she's labelled 'ice queen' by me. You don't get a label from me that easily ok?
9. Ms Serene
Serene is my music pal! 90% of the time we will discuss music, music and music! We enjoy singing but too bad we met on the net and had never met each other before although we have knew each other for 5 years! Can you believe that? Haha. Maybe someday we should sing ktv together...run together to get fit....and practise speaking japanese...oh ya. i'm the sensei. haha.
10. Ms Purinbi (aka Ms Siew Siew)
Another friend whom I got to know from IRC #japan. Purinbi has always brought me laughter with her interesting experiences and constant encouragement...again it's another friend whom i never got to meet personally even though we knew each other for 6odd years!
11. Ms Gracia Goh
Gracia is still the champion of my 'best smile from a girl'. The warmth of her smile melts you, and her positive outlook on life is a dynamo that provides you with energy! Unfortunately, what she left on me were memories and too bad we aren't fated to know each other. Worlds apart...
12. Ms Yingzie (aka Rika Chintz, haha)
Got to know Ying from a complex storyline that eventually simplified out. Met Ying on Xmas Day in 1999, but actually spoke to her on the net earlier...Ying taught me alot of things..and I really thank her for that. A real nice friend to have.
13. Ms Joyce Zhuang
Joyce brought out the philosophical side of me! Hahaha. My SMU financial accounting project mate last year, and this year we are both struggling with school work. in some ways she's my mentor and in other ways, i'm her sensei. It's great to have Joyce around because she's a real buzzer....haha. Makes noise to keep you going.
14. Who else.......?
Which girl will come along and make a big impact on my life? That's for me to find out and for you to wait for me to tell you! hahaha.
Girls, take care and good luck! Guys! Too many of you la...write about you later when I got more time....you guys take care too~
Upbeat mood
Jeffire
Acknowledged my existence at
11:37 PM
Sunday, March 20, 2005
I feel so stupid.
No, no. It is just that I bought 4 pears at the pasar malam at $1, but they tasted weird and not to my liking (I like hard pears). What a waste of my $1. I could have ate something better with that $1. My precious $1...
On the bus to work, my imagination went wild again and this time it was a visualisation of my own cosmetic empire. First to come is my own wellness school in which people can learn how to make themselves look better. Next is some skincare product, like a ginger mist spray. I was thinking that in our city campus, our girls will only be either in the air-conditioning or out in the hot sun. That damages the skin and perhaps carrying a mist spray would help to keep the skin moisturised. Then after that I went on to think about a brand name. Of course, my empire must have my mark on it, so I guess "Effire" was quite a good one. Yeah. Then I went on to think about my fashion empire (which I have thought about long ago)...
It brings me back to reality. How do I set up the business if I wanted it to be so. My thoughts then wandered to opening a small shop in which we will have consultations for people who want to make themselves look better. We will have all natural products, but they are not for sale unless the clients do not want to make them themselves since these products will be all homemade remedies. As for lifestyle solutions, we will also hold exercise gatherings, especially swimming, running, and cycling, at no extra charge to the clients. Our consultants will also help to look at the client's lifestyle so that we will be able to customise a look-good solution for them.
How do I earn money this way? Most likely, we will just sell consultations, and the abovementioned products. Here's a little analysis on this business model.
The advantages are:
1. Consultants can be mobile, therefore there is no need for so much rented space.
2. People who are shy but want to make a change to their lifestyles can join us.
3. A loyal group of clients can be built through such personal attention.
The disadvantages are:
1. It is difficult to find people who will want to learn Jeffire's way of living.
2. Since everything is so simple, clients may think we are ripping them off.
3. Clients may think that we are a cult more than a business.
Oh well, so much for thinking...I may try this out if I manage to change myself successfully. Haha. Maybe I should stick to selling Fanromatherapy..
Imagination is a powerful tool, but realisation is an ability that only a few rare people possess.
Regards
Jeffire
Acknowledged my existence at
6:59 PM
Friday, March 18, 2005
Hello
Sometimes it just takes some words from an highly regarded person to spark things up. I have many highly regarded people, but usually they are so occupied with their own things so end up ignoring me. Being the sensitive and useless me, I have since given up on things, and hence this term became a horrible experience.
Last term it was the fire at home and the poor relationships in LTB project team that killed my initiative.
This term it was the lack of money and the lack of chemistry with my classmates that killed my patience.
No key, no lock, no future.
All these have been solved recently, but I have yet to be awake from the long dream I wanted to stay in.
Thanks for all your words, my dear brothers, Jinki, Kevin, Kenneth. Thanks to Joyce, Moo, Jason, Yingzie, Pius, Charles, Serene, and the other friends.
I have decided that there is still time to salvage the situation. 4 more weeks. 4 more weeks to make a final burst. While I may not be able to operate at 100% because of the lack of somebody special to work for, I will be satisfied if I ran at 90% of my ability.
We all can do it. Just do it. No qualms about it.
"The fire burns when you add fuel to it, but it will only start to burn if you give a spark first. To create a spark you need some chemistry, some friction, some interaction"
Hope you guys can help me along again~
Jeffire
PS: Next Tue, 735pm, CWP, A Series of Unfortunate Events. Interested?
Acknowledged my existence at
1:32 AM
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
I am not going to tell you all the bad things over the weekend. Pure torture. Fortunately after the disastrous Monday, I managed to get a great undisturbed sleep and yeah had a real sweet dream. It's been so long since I had a sweet dream! Everytime I have one I will write it here, do you write your sweet dreams down too? Hmm...hope everyone can share their fun adventure in dreamland!
Anyway I cannot really remember much of it...sigh why are sweet dreams so short? The few details I can remember...
a. 2 girls are good friends and met them in a shopping centre
b. 1 girl left and said byebye and i asked the other if she can go out with me
c. she looks real sweet, long hair(shoulder length), cute, stylish, sharp chin..
d. she says okie! and we go shopping together
e. she smiles brightly at me....cool.
oh well, that's all i can remember, but when i was in school i saw some one that vaguely resembles the girl in the dream...quite far away.. and from my memory it is not anyone from school. I suppose it could be a future friend i will get to know.
I think so because my dreams are fairly accurate...many things i have dreamt of long ago had became true sights... real events...real words... i have very good memory of special events in my life... heh. can describe to you in detail..
what do you want to know about my life?
waiting for my sweet sweet girl to come
jeffire
Acknowledged my existence at
11:41 PM
Saturday, March 12, 2005
At work now.. (not schoolwork)
Seriously I am real worried about my BGS project, which the 20% worth presentation is due on Mon afternoon, 1+pm. It is the last biggest hurdle that I have on hand now, after dealing with MA and AS over the week. I have constantly been trying to get things started, only to get the consensus changed and changed again until we went a big round and settled on the local fast food industry with only 5 days to do the project. Unfortunately, some things cannot be helped. I have done up my parts, sent them in throughout the 5 days, no updates were given to me, and now they are all cooped up together in school trying to prepare the slides. I hope they won't hold me to blame because of my need to work. Anyway, I won't be of use because I'm the only person without a laptop. No matter what happens, I don't mind what we get as long as I know everyone did their best. The problem is, did everyone do their best? I guess I did not do my best yet. I don't know why. Some segments of my work involve field work and nobody is helping me. Ie, I'm doing all the survey and interviews while they went to get a one day experience of working at the outlets. Now they are busy collating points from the internet since 10am in the morning. I am not sure if they can finish building up the presentation slides by tonight. I really hope they do. The team's real confused about what to put in but I can't be there to chip in my views. That's why I think I've yet to put in all I can.
Apart from that, I realised since 19 Feb, I have yet to meet any friend up for anything. I can't remember if I had gone out...with my family, yes, but certainly, I don't have any idea going out with any friend. Every weekend is burnt working..everyone is busy...
Hence, now I am trying to plan a trip before we begin working in the holiday and after the working stint. Due to lack of funds, maybe we will go somewhere near and short for the first, and then somewhere further for the ending one. I don't think it needs to be a big group outing, so if you are interested, please leave your name and budget and preferred destination and I will try to see what I can plan out.
Finally, need to inform you guys that I have lost my phone so don't call or msg for the time being. I think I want to get a new number because I think it's pointless for me to cling onto the old number, there is no whatsoever chance that I will meet her again (who else, Gracia la). Meanwhile if urgent try to call my mum's hp 97941768 (which I will carry when she's not working, ie dun call on Tue, Thu, Fri). I look forward to getting a new number soon.
Oh ya, anyone who wants to watch A Series of Unfortunate Events with me(weekday)!?
2 more days of ordeal..
Jeffire
Acknowledged my existence at
5:40 PM
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Up and down the rollercoaster go~!
Today I will be talking about different stuff in my life...but before that, let's thank everyone for their kind concern! And to repeat, this is a quote from a comic called "Dai no Daiboken" (Dai's big adventure), from Dai's teacher, Avan:
"Defeat does not come from a lost battle, from injuries, or from the loss of your weapons. Defeat comes when you not longer have the determination to fight on, and you have absolutely conceded defeat by losing all the hope of winning. Everyone has their strengths, and if you can do to the best of your ability using your strengths, I am sure you will be able to see some hope of winning eventually..."
Therefore, all of you, my dear friends, stray blogger-spies, and whoever got here by any of the "through passes" (ie links), if you feel that you no longer can take it anymore, why not just sit back and rethink where your strengths are and work on them rather than work on everything? Reality is harsh, but reality did not demand that you perform well in everything. Society was the one who demanded so. If society meant reality, then please look back to history and see how did the great inventors, philosophers and leaders changed society with the dreams they had! They had to overcome reality, and many of them were ridiculed, or rejected by society before they or their ideas became successful. If Colonel Sanders of the KFC chain did not try to sell his recipe to his 1090th potential customer, how can we be enjoying the great succulent chicken for so many years? If McDonalds allowed society to pressurised them through the boycotting of franchises, how could they become the leader in the fast food industry today? And so on so forth.
I am saying that if you want to study hard, get good grades, find a great job that you can work for years (dream on, guys), go get it! If you think your strengths do not lie in such things, then why do you have to make life so painful for yourself? Do you have the courage to go against society norms and make a breakthrough through your own visions and determination for your dreams?
Anyway enough about the philosophical stuff, I intended to write about the recents of life and some more bits and pieces about me...read on...
1. Driving
After obtaining my driving licence for 7 months odds, some of the troubles I have got into include breaking the extension rear mirror for vans (my dad, with 31 years of driving experience, broke the entire rear windscreen recently!! haha) and getting stuck on a slope for the disabled at a block in Sengkang(solved by putting a wedge under the wheel which was hanging in the air). In all, I will like to say that being driven around is a much relaxing than driving people around...! However, if you have good music and a good car, I guess driving alone and singing in the car beats staying at home to sing!
2. Looking good
I want to thank Kevin and Jinki for getting a pair of jeans that looked very good on me! They have great taste for clothes. Other than that, I think a well dressed person is much popular than a person poorly dressed. I am not sure if it has anything to do with the people around now, but personally I think the reason is that a poorly dressed person portrays a sense of poor taste(or in other words, no class) and most people don't like to associate themselves with such people in order not to get implicated by impressions of the general public. As one of my weird hobbies is to look at good looking people, I realise that most good looking people dress well, have clear skin and have small faces (ie small heads). I guess having small faces makes you look younger and therefore more appealing because youth is one of the greatest asset everyone has had. (oh well, most of us are no longer youths...) I also think that knowing how to dress and groom is an important skill to be learnt, but unfortunately, most people either think they've got it, or they know it. Oh well, that's why there are only a few popular people. One more thing, I also think that the % of good looking people exceeds the % of bad looking people and therefore, if you think you are bad looking, you may be wrong because you are either too humble or have really bad taste. Haha.
3. Exercising
I always believe that fat people are people who eat alot and don't exercise much. However, most fat people also know the same thing as I do, but they simply lack a great way to lose weight. Anyway, my view is that society demands you not to look fat is because subconsciously a fat person takes up much more resources than a normal sized person and therefore is a stronger competitor for resources. Nobody will like to give up their share of resources and this led to the portrayal of fat people being unpopular, comical and so on. Another supporting factor is that fat people tend to be less sexy looking because there is an impression that they are not going to be very 'active' when having sex. I think this is also embedded in subconsciousness, and since most men are more vocal about sex demands, this have led to the portrayal of sexy people being thin (thin people are easier to hug anyway) or fit. By the way I have digressed and all I wanted to say is that exercising is one of the best activities in life. Firstly it helps you to lose weight and makes you feel better because you feel lighter and you can eat with less guilt being felt. Secondly it helps to destress because you are either too tired or too hyped up to think about other stuff. Thirdly, it trains your endurance and determination up because sports conditions the body by repetitive actions. By constantly doing certain actions, that part of your body becomes stronger and you will be able to use it more often. Lastly, if you have lost much weight by exercising and good dieting, you will take much more time to gain them back because you have trained up your metabolism, which is the normal rate of energy expenditure by the body in relaxed status. In conclusion, if you exercise regularly and lose weight by exercising, you will be much happier and therefore, I want to ask you why do people keep fretting about their weight and size than to do something about it. Of course if you have problems doing something about it, feel free to approach me and we can work things out.
I think this post is getting rather long. However I am feeling better now despite still being unable to find my phone, do my homework and projects, getting fatter and uglier and many many other undesirable things. This shows how great it is to be blogging and of course it feels better if someone bothered by commenting. I think bloggers are people who want a space to put their thoughts up when they are alone and thinking, and of course they are people who want people to care for them because usually bloggers are people who want to have some attention which may be absent in their lives.
I wish you all the best in life and if you have any problems, feel free to catch me although my phone is absent for the time-being, you can catch me by email or MSN and from there we can arrange an appointment or something.
Regards
Jeffire
Acknowledged my existence at
7:34 PM
Saturday, March 05, 2005
Hello...
I am going to explore the reason why I am what I am today...
Basically, I'm living in a real world but my mind is stuck in a imagined universe of myself. Hence sometimes I may do things that you may never had thought so.
I dare say I'm a childish person. I like all the kids' stuff. Play, sweet stuff, cartoons, and games, but since I'm living in a real world, I have to restrict myself before I end up being sent to IMH or left alone to live. It spoils my mood all the time because childish people are usually self-centred and demanding too. They only want to enjoy and not work. Or they work only to enjoy for THEMSELVES. That is so sad.
I dare say I'm a naive person. There are always things which I assumed to be naturally so, but in fact, people tend to do things differently from what I think. For example, I will always think whenever you make mistakes, as long as they are reversible (although some may be troublesome), it should not be a case of getting blamed for it ALL the time. Rather than blaming people, I will suggest that the solutions be put forward and that the offending person should apologise and provide as much help as possible in facilitating the solving of the problem. Unfortunately, most people outside, especially superiors, tend to focus on blaming people rather than solving the problem, because they find the rectification process troublesome. Of course I can see that they need to protect their own rice bowls too, as a bad mistake made by a subordinate may result in the sacking of both. That is where the conflict comes in, I'm living in a real world and not the world I imagined so.
I dare say I'm a observant person. Yet being observant tends to make me assuming too. Fortunately, nowadays I have learnt to be more open to asking, and hence I have derived ways to retrieve information from seemingly innocent questions. And of course another good way will be to encourage people to speak up. That is why I keep emphasising that I am willing to listen as long as you are willing to talk. This helps me to learn more. And again, in the real world, most people are not comfortable with talking to any stranger because they usually assume the stranger cannot help. On the contrary I will think that talking to a stranger is easier because there will be no awkward hiding of secrets and stuff, which may hinder the process of solving the problem. Nonetheless, it is a matter of choice and fate, which I will not fight against. I am thankful that I have managed to make some friends out of strangers, with no good reason. That is why I believe in fate. Fate, however, is an ideal concept rather than the true, harsh reality where you make the choice to make things happen or not.
I dare say I'm an open-minded person. There is so much to see in this world and I no longer have any qualms about listening to bad or weird stuff. If I stick to my principles, nobody should be able to influence me. That is a good thing because open-mindedness is one of my principles and it does not hinder me in terms of ethics nor acceptable practices. I am willing to listen, but not necessary to practise what others preach. It has to suit my needs and my situation too anyway. However in the real world, being open-minded means I am subjected to influences, and having principles may not work because in a real world people are flexible whenever they decide that the benefits outweighs the costs. That is another conflicting thought for me.
I dare say I'm a dual-personality person. Surprisingly, it has been observed by my friends that my online persona differs so much from my offline persona. I think it is because of the same reason, you need to wear a mask to protect yourself in the real world, but in the virtual world, you are allowed to start afresh and put on a different personality. Probably you will try to be more perfect than you are in real life, probably you will instead try to be more daring in the virtual world, engaging yourself in things that you may not have possibly done in the real world. I hope you are not thinking about cybersex or related stuff, that is so narrowminded. There are infinite stuff people do on the internet and there are just as infinite number of stuff people do off the internet. It is just so I am one of them and whether it is a good or bad thing, I cannot decide for myself.
I will like to end the exploration here(will resume again some other day) and share with you an interesting adventure.
Setting
A posh, golden condominium with plenty of landscaping, high floors, and 5 towers.
Time
Current era
People
Me & the 7Seas Brothers, Keanbon, a political bigshot who has top-notch security, a food vendor, a mysterious person to seek.
Task
To find the mysterious person who lives in the condominium and pass him the something the brothers have been assigned to.
Scene 1
An overhead view of the condominium, and introduction of the task.
Scene 2
Taking the lift only to be warned not to go to the wrong place lest we want to be killed. The lift stopped at place unknown, and nobody was there.
Scene 3
We nearly got killed when we passed the politician's place. Fortunately I forced the lift to go down by pressing close immediately.
Scene 4
Surprisingly, I don't understand why would I dream of Keanbon together with the 7Seas. But we are having a chit chat at the cafe. The food vendor brought us coffee. And we were very happy.
Scene 5
The mysterious person appears while we take the lift upwards, and the lift doesn't stop at all. We had to force it to stop by smashing the controls. But it didn't stop!
Scene 6
Oh well, I woke up because I forced myself to wake up due to the need to finish up my AS homework. I hate reality!
Now I understand why I like sleeping and dreaming. I can get to places which I have never been to. They are some sort of a combination of my experiences and my imagination. I get to meet people whom I may never been fated to meet with, eg Keanbon, and only Jinki knows him among the brothers. It's a free for all world! I can fly, jump down flats, become a hero, become a coward, touch the people I like which I never will in real life, and whatever your imagination takes you.
So I am still stuck in the real world while my mind still hovers there. That's the reason I will attribute to for my current situation. Ideals vs reality. Cool.
Regards
Jeffire
Acknowledged my existence at
1:14 AM
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
It's 3.40am in the morning!
My entire biological clock has been screwed up with the resuming of the Champions League last week and nowadays I can't sleep when everyone else in Singapore is sleeping. Damn.. The good thing is that days are hot and that makes me more perky during the day. Unfortunately, I'm still suceptible to air-conditioning-induced-sleep-syndrome(ACISS) so probably during class I gonna doze off again. Yawnz!
The midterm break was a real bad idea...not only did I screw my bio-clock up, it meant that the professors had excuses to give us more work, especially my finance class! And as usual, I have never submitted my homework, so for this time I gonna take my time to do it since the deadline has been extended to Fri. As for MA, I wonder how am I gonna do it because I simply have no discipline at all to begin. The project hasn't really begun yet but the presentation is next week. For AS, I have yet to begin the search for fallacies.. hope they fall into my arms the next few days... For BGS, the midterm test is this Sat but I guess I won't go and bother to study the notes and textbook for it.(I don't have the textbook anyway) Probably will look through the past papers instead. Then the project is still in the infant stage.. arghz. What am I doing!?
Instead, I actually feel happier working. Firstly I get to solve real life problems, especially when people get angry with the system, with the entire advertising gimmick and stuff like that. Secondly, it's easier to follow instructions than to come out with instructions. Maybe I should quit school to work instead. Thirdly I have always hated homework because I don't like to sit down to solve questions that have no real effect in life. (oh maybe they affect my grades, but to me, grades dun affect my life). Therefore I conclude that I really have no interest to stay in school. Am I taking the easy way out, like the US youngsters(Bill Gates said they were inadequately prepared for college, and I think I am, too). Probably it was because of NS, the long break from school has made me no longer suitable for the academic rigour. Yeah, that should be the best excuse.
Everyone else works so hard for their schoolwork. What is their aim? I don't have any academic aims now and nobody to work for. You guys keep saying I should work for myself, but I myself think that school is pretty much useless now. It costs me money to go to school, and makes me unhappy when there is so much work, nobody to help and everyone chasing me for my time. And ridiculously, there are those who give themselves so much time for personal stuff, including studying, but give the minimum for group projects, expecting others to work things out for them. Man, I wonder I should give up schooling soon. Maybe when I'm older and more mature I will return.
I am the egoistic, childish, spoilt guy who wants the whole world to revolve around me. I am naive and idealistic, thinking everyone will give their best for the organisation or the work they have. I am overconfident that I will survive. I am insolent to think that everyone else is wrong. I am mad to think that school isn't important when I am currently a so-called undergraduate. I am hopeless when it's 3.59am in the morning and blogging instead of doing any of the homework which I have left undone over the break.
So much for being the great o Jeffire. Despite having such a nice name, I am actually such a piece of trash. WHY must it end up like this? I have nothing to my name and I have nothing to lose by giving my best. But why can't I give my best? Why am I no longer the Jeffire with the desire to succeed?
I have fallen in my role as a pillar of strength to the people around me. Now I understand how Dan feels.
"My heart is dead. There is no meaning in my existence on this Earth anymore. Since life is short, why should I work so hard and make myself unhappy? I should relax and enjoy the time as it passes by."
So much for dreaming of all the goals, targets and future plans. I cannot cry because I am not sad. I am angry and disappointed. What should I do in concrete terms? Tell me how!!! Begin by clearing my personal issues? Begin by clearing my homework? Begin by taking the lead in the projects? Tell me.
You have just read a post-mortem report of somebody who has over-relaxed. Please take note that this patient has just passed away and we are in the midst of reconstructing his heart and mind so that he will evolve into a machine capable of surviving in the stressful, competitive and high-paced society.
Wishes for a breakthrough
Jeffire
Acknowledged my existence at
3:38 AM