砂漠のJeffire

Jeffirean Stories

Saturday, June 11, 2005

I went back to office to do some SCS stuff today despite Saturday being a non-working day. Took some 10mins to do some real work for my boss, but the rest of the day was devoted to SCS. Took a few hours to clear my debt, whilest the 2 gals on shift were watching anime. I even had to take their calls because they were too engrossed in watching the anime. Apart from that, I agreed to helping them buy McDonald breakfast and ended up rushing from home and out...

All my effort did not even bring a smile to their face, although the customary 'thank you' was there.

In the past my doctor said I looked grouchy, Charles said I looked 'dao', my mother said I never look at people when I talk to them....why didn't my mother ask me why? why am i like that? Francis once complained to me that I talk like I'm so big shot...not willing to help with a wider heart.

It was then I realised maybe I should change my attitude. Yet as much as I can change, there are many principles that I cannot change just to accomodate most of the people out there, who are all so selfish and self-centred, who only cares about the important people around them...what about those unimportant people? I really tried to change my attitude... you know...i am really trying very hard, by getting to know more ppl, being more friendly...i really hope to be a good interactor, and more importantly, a good listener...i want to help solve problems, help people to be happy, help people to realise their dreams... i dun wan them to be unhappy...

but i end up being unhappy myself.

Must I participate in people's gossiping, play with girls, joke with them in order to show that i'm actually quite easy to get along with...? When I am nice to people, and they all say i'm very nice, but after all this i end up walking behind or in front alone, while everyone laugh and talk among themselves?

The one question will be, do I have to priotise one person and sacrifice all my good intentions for everyone I want to help? If I give everything to one person, what is left for me to give the rest? Which girl will ever understand that if she wants everything to herself, it will be nothing left for everyone else?

These 2 days had been very bad days...bad luck and stuff like that. No.. i din bet on any soccer... juz lost this, got into that trouble, etc etc.. and people still want me to do this do that...i know i'm capable, but i'm not ever-usable, not always the perfect one although i really try to...everything i do, if i'm serious, it will be done well...

BUT

there are times i have to rest..i have to get away from work...i have to clear my mind for the next important thing to do...even when I want to play soccer to relax, the rains pours on me...and the guy who was pracitising with me was real good...

These days I'm dreaming of going for a survival game in the jungles...but i really dunno which jungle will be worth going to...any ideas? yes, i'm either mad or weird, but that's my prob and i have my reasons for doing so. those reasons are legitimate and worth making the choice for.

before i pen off, i copy down my MSN nick here...i wrote this myself...

我和你之间隔着一座桥想走过去却没办法鼓起勇气
你和我隔着一段距离有如双平线永远没有交叉的结界

Between me and you lies a bridge, I want to walk over to you, but I don't have the courage to do so.
Between you and me lies a great distance, like parallel lines, forever there won't be a meeting point.

my name is
jeffire

Acknowledged my existence at
8:33 PM