Jeffirean Stories
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
I wonder how many people read the last post... but it doesn't matter anymore for I have locked up this blog with a password...in order to stamp out the vandalism. The last comment was an insult to Charles! How I wish I can whack the person up for all the trouble he caused. You know why? To lock up the blog I asked Joyce for the html code but ended up making a mess of my original settings.. but luckily I figured things out only for the last part.. the arrangement of the sidebar and the main column...arghz.
Perhaps I ought to update my dear friends that I am giving up my mind on XYZ...not a good time to mention this but it's at least my fortune to know her as a friend and colleague. Yep.
That brings me to the only goal I have on mind now. And that is to lose weight!! I need to lose around 5kg that will bring me down to 57kg but most importantly I need to lose the fats and like what Kevin said, increase the shoulder width to make the shape nicer...but the weather and my work is causing me lotsa problems...damn.
Recently after watching Prince of Tennis, it has re-ignited my desire to play some tennis. And coincidentally last night I managed to catch Wimbledon live, in which Maria Sharapova was playing!! She is really a beauty with strength and determination!! Unlike the previos Anna Kournikova, she is much more like a tennis pro... plays much better and much more attractive too... i wish i can play with her!! But of course I will definitely break my wrist playing with her for her top spin shots are really powerful! Oh yeah, Prince of Tennis is quite an interesting anime too...hehe.
Then Eugene (my colleague) lent me another set of anime called School Rumble (which I didn't request to borrow) but after watching 1 episode, it was pretty good as a Japanese class because whatever they spoke were what the normal young people conversed... quite good to learn some informal expressions...the anime itself is pretty dumb...but not as bad as Love Hina which was downright ridiculous..
Had a dream last night about my ex classmate Isaac Tay...wonder where he is now? I guess being worlds apart, we won't meet ever again. It brings me the creeps about the past anyway..
Finally, I kinda realised how much I refuse to change... haha. Stubborn me!! However I am trying very hard, so please do give me more time.
Yep...my singing is getting better these days...like what I told Serenez before, the sadder I am, the better I sing..weird hor....
Tired with negotiations
Jeffire
Acknowledged my existence at
5:20 PM
Monday, June 27, 2005
Sheesh.. what i had just wrote disappeared into thin air because i didn't check whether my internet connection was working...damn..but perhaps i could summarise it quickly...
1. As everyone on my MSN knows, i'm watching Prince of Tennis now. It makes me want to go play tennis again.. anyone onz?
2. Stage 2 of bidding for courses had begun and I managed to get 2 courses, Management of People at Work (MPW) and Computer as an Analysis Tool (CAT) at e$10.88 each, which is considered a floor bargain... will be trying my luck again at Quantitative Methods (QM) and Business Processes (BP) for the same bid price. When the results are out again I will update everyone on my timetable for the new term.
3. Sunday was an outing which i enjoyed on the day itself and regretted the day after..in short, the food was the main culprit. the ktv that followed was fine but i didn't perform to normal standards because of the stupid aircon...got to know a new friend called Ensheng, an anime fanatic who always share his anime around freely...he's always giving them to people, and no need for exchange and stuff.. nice chap he is. He's not featured in the photo as he was our photographer...but the next photo u can see him and Eugene.
My colleagues and me
Eugene(in white) and Ensheng(in black)
4. I always do things with the impetus provided by other people, ie i only do things because of other people. It could be in the form of competition, could be only to impress people, could be only to be of help to people... if there is nobody to work for, there is no point to work, and hence no point to do anything at all. I have no desire to do anything these days...
5. Jinki is back for a few days already but we have yet to meet up. Sunday's Sentosa outing is cancelled because Alex is summoned for ICT, and hence it could be most likely converted to something else. It will end up no surprise to me if eventually we didn't meet up at all because reality states that we all have our own lives to lead and if there is no intersection in our lives, there is no point to gather.
A summarised version lacks emotions isn't it? Or does it carry the point over even more efficiently? A knife has 2 edges, words have multiple meanings, do you only see the surface and scratch it?
Waiting for the sky to fall again
Jeffire
Acknowledged my existence at
11:47 PM
Saturday, June 25, 2005
It's finally the weekend!!
After a tiring week, running here and there, doing this and that, I managed to get a good night's sleep...woke up refreshed and relaxed... and the first thing I did was to do my daily routine..read football news..results etc! Haha. Then here I am, writing this blog which will describe how my week flew by...
First, let's talk about work..the Uni+Vantage discussions with the vendors. Didn't manage to secure any vendors yet...because of last year's poor results and coupled with the need to pay a fee this year. I certainly hope I could retain a deal or two because it will definitely benefit all my university peers, SMU, NTU and NUS! So if you are reading this, my dear university friends, please do aid us in patronising the vendors and flashing your cards for discounts!! (In particular, do visit Stamford House's Baylene Fashion Gallery, for I have been set a target of 20 student customers with at least 15 using the privilege in the next 6 mths) Haha...anyway, if you need to know which discounts are available, feel free to ask me first before we get the website up and stuff like that.
Secondly, let's talk about my gym experience at Bukit Gombak stadium. The gym was quite comfortable, though a bit small. Alex, my 7Seas brother, was my instructor for the day and he taught how to use several machines and how to do certain exercises using the free weights...wooo...it was certainly tiring as I felt an ache in my shoulders and chest after doing all those weights.. then we had a race on the threadmill..haha. No la, we ran on the threadmill, and seriously, I still prefer running outside on the roads and to the parks...feels much better. But of course if it rains, a threadmill helps in a long way! $2.50 per visit is certainly affordable, yet if I were to frequent the gym, I would rather sign up for one...which one.. SAFRA or SSC gyms? I suppose I need to check stuff out before making a decision. Certainly, after the gymming I could sleep much better...very long never slept that well..
Oh ya, some funny observations i spotted in the gym..
a. the guys toilet at the stained glass panel facing out had a hole of stained glass scratched off, ie u can peek from outside.
b. the gals in the gym all are either accompanying their boyfriends, or are really sporty gals themselves...something like Elva Hsiao that kind...healthy looking.
c. the gym mirror, is a favourite for many of the guys...haha. i hate mirrors though...or rather i hate the sight of myself..
d. old people visit the gym too!! and it's great to see them for it means the gym is really for everybody~~
That roughly sums up the experience at the gym, in conclusion, i seem to like it very much although i'm one of those weaklings at the gym.. hahaha. many thanks to my brothers, Alex and Kevin, who were there to give support and help and advice!! yay~
Let's move on...shall talk about stuff I've learnt...
During the week, Miaoyan asked me whether if I wanted a drink but I replied her by shaking my head and without looking at her. Soon after, I recalled the experience in army camp where Francis threw in a very alarming message about me... yes, again I sought his advice and he said it was indeed very rude. I have endeavoured since then to be less self-absorbing, and more friendly for i can see that she has been trying her best in getting me to mix around with the other colleagues... i've always been engrossed in my stuff so much...(i know Charles gonna give me a lecture again) i have started to improve a bit...heh. it takes time, and certainly a good lesson to review. Thanks a million to Francis and Miaoyan!!
Next, in the fishball show 同心圆, there was a particular scene which I caught where Dayang (Pierre Png) was at the toy dispenser machine, turning the knob one time after another as he couldn't get the doggy toy his beau (Baobei aka 美人鱼) wanted. She was pretty sad in that scene as she didn't want to get married with her current boyfriend, so Dayang tried his best to cheer her up...
Lesson here to me is, sincerity really counts here! I shouldn't really expect to get hitched anytime soon if I continue to be do only a bit here and there. I guess although it's paiseh to really do so much for someone you like, it's worth it ba... i dunno.. i have never done so much for anyone in particular before...always been doing bits and pieces for everyone...like i said, i'm still learning to be a MAN...what the hell is with being 'paiseh', with losing face, with doing so much for just one person...it's all worth it. Hahaha.
The final lesson i want to recall was from Yingzie.. she told me I tend to 'argue into another objective', in the sense, i tend to veer into the next topic before concluding one nicely...haha. this is one hard nut to crack!! perhaps i need to think less and let the other flow the conversation first...absorb more and think about how to answer better. Be it MSN or face-to-face or through the phone, seriously, it's all very important to the person you are speaking to.
Oh well, I need to end this now for it's time to go play badminton with my mother! haha.. She's bugging me to go downstairs now..okie. Lessons learnt, experience gathered, fun moments shared, sad moments thrown away...life's a great thing!
僕は自分の見えた未来、完壁の自分に近くなっている。
Acknowledged my existence at
8:39 AM
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
I'm not sure if your eyes are as observant as mine, but here, I have made some small changes to my blog. The main title, Stade de Jeffire is just a Spanish version of the original, and then I feel that this blog is a interaction circle between my friends and I, hence I also changed the title. It reflects the belief I have, this is my space for me to express myself freely, your world to roam your thoughts in and when we have something to discuss, it is where we meet at a point, hence, intersection. I really welcome all to read my thoughts, because it increases my chances of finding somebody whom I can really relate to. Whatever the case is, be it criticism, clarifications, commendations, please feel free to put it across to me. However, as mentioned before, if you could identify yourself as a singular identity, ie, if you are EFG, then please remain as EFG. Vandalism of my comments board is a hurting thing to do to me....
Yes. I believe many people around me think that I'm very sensitive to many things. Indeed, I'm super sensitive to things because apart from being observant, I'm quite a detail person and pretty much a control freak. Of course I understand not everything is within my control, because I break every event up into 2 components, 'fate' and 'decision', ie every event consists of things you cannot control (fate) and things you can control (decision). I hope by saying this, my friends understand that when I say things are fated, it means, even if we decided to do something, the result will still be like that. However, it doesn't mean we should have not done anything because, every decision made is a lesson learnt, and every lesson learnt adds to our life experience. The reason why I am super sensitive to things is because I hope that I can do my best for the things I deem important to me. In my view, when you have more awareness of the people and surrounding, the more information you gather, the more you can control the situation and minimise the game of chance, ie, 'fate' will just be a small component of the eventual result. Nobody complains about success, do they?
What do you consider a friend that only looks you up when they have problems? When they are fine, they don't even ask you out for a drink that sort? Do you consider such a person as your friend? Today I received a call from the friend whom I almost killed 4 years ago. His business has met some cashflow problems and he is trying to raise $35K to solve this problem. I lent him $500 and that was the best I could do. I didn't even lend a cent to my 7sea brother when he was saddled with debts. Now he asks me for $150 more, but I don't have anymore to lend him. Do you think I have done the right thing? I really encourage entrepreneurship among my friends, but I am really not sure if he's doing the right thing, internet business, and overspending when he cannot afford to do so like his mentor. Seriously, I think his mentor is just making a fool out of him. His mentor picked him out from his workplace at Mos Burger, made him spend his life savings on rubbish (to force him to go really desperate to earn money), then gave him an internet business idea that cost him $11k. Well, which internet business will cost you $11k? I can create one with $500, because I have the talent and I know the people who can help me with their skills. But my friend hasn't. I believe that if he goes bankrupt one day (and yes, I will lose my $500), it will be good for him to realise that not everyone who is nice to him is genuinely nice to him. It is also true for the opposite, not everyone who is irritating to you is not nice to you. I also want to ask, am I considered a good friend, or am I just half way there, for given my knowledge, I could have done more for him isn't it? But why did I just stop at lending $500?
I believe that everything requires sincerity and sincerity requires maintenance. While I am very sure I have not done anything insincere (ok, maybe white lies), did I maintain to my friends that I am sincere to them? What do I mean by maintenance? In my view, it's simply just asking how you are doing, any problems, any good news to share, etc. But things can only work if maintenance is 2 way, ie, people take the time to share some concern for their friends, but of course, given today's society, how much time can we spare for others?
Finally, taking a quote from Kenny, whom I enjoyed a very nice lunch with today, "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large group". I realised that it is very difficult to change the minds of the majority, and yes, as the quote says, when the stupid people form the majority, trouble looms. Seriously, I think that the reason I am unhappy most of the time is because I have to deal with a ton of people who are actually NOT stupid, but just don't bother to take their stuff seriously when the time calls for it, and they end up doing stupid things. If people bothered more, life would be much more easier and nicer for everyone...Now, who's thinking that I'm aiming at a particular group of people? Man, you must be as sensitive as me.
Maybe as most of you said so, if I thought less, I would be much more happier...yep, maybe. I would be much happier if I did not have to think for so many people...why should I bother? But if I didn't bother, will it ever occur to you that your overall well-being matters a lot to me? I really care, I just dunno how to show it out, like what you see in tv....i'm not an actor you know.
Yes, my old boss (YJC 15th SC President, Serena) is right, "I don't know the way to success but trying to please everyone is definitely doomed to failure". How right she is.
Mentally burnt out
Jeffire
Acknowledged my existence at
11:29 PM
Sunday, June 19, 2005
I can't go back to sleep...for the time being at least. Had a weird nightmare...Anyway I wanted to talk about an enjoyable Saturday...
As announced throughout MSN and subsequently this blog, I went for an army chaps' gathering at Sentosa. Surprisingly, Esther was around too, and she provided a little dot of red among the green. (you can look at the sentence in the cheena way or literally) The people who went were, Guiqiang(1st timer! clad in a red Singapore t-shirt), Charles(who kept wearing sports shoes even while playing on the sand), Aloy(with a very nice new hair, shades and beachwear), Gordon(as strong as usual,he whacked the new soccer ball i bought so hard!), Wenhui(still the same lovable blur guy), Calvyn(the 1.8Xm guy girls always want), Qinyi(still so fit,but body slightly off form abit), Yaohong(without specs for the day), Sirong(the organiser and the ever beach hunk, sunburnt easily), Rensheng(as usual, the funny beach wannabe, though without his just as whacky partner, Justin, start thinking about the MSN drawing of the back-hand move..wahaha) Anyone did I miss out?!
The photos,courtesy of Mr Sirong and his Lumix!
In all it was a very enjoyable outing. The sun was at its best, the weather wasn't too hot, the crowd was in (albeit too much), the people were fun, and yep, as usual, the ogling at bikini clad girls although i think i looked at as many hunks too! imagining if i was one in the future..haha. We played some volleyball hitting, and then a little football game, and they went into the water before gathering at the giant shade(a multi-purpose hall) where we had a little chat till the star of the day came!! It was Chris! Woo, yep he came from his chalet which was at the resort and he came in this pair of shades plus his hairstyle and really looked like a mini Jay Chou! Cool man!! Liked his sky blue shorts (looks like Manchester City's colour..) and immediately, like a star they took photos with him. Hahaha. So fun. Sirong has those photos which he took with his new Lumix. Not bad, it has 6x optical zoom! Calvyn then scanned the horizon for some shots to take...and oh well, he used the 6x zoom and took a photo of a bikini bottom (the backside...haha). I enjoyed particularly the volleyball, for it takes some good teamwork from everyone to keep the volleyball hitting going on and on...hehe.
Maybe I should try to go to the beach more? I like the feeling of the sand...feels at home (Gaara?) I didn't go to the water though...haha, as I was still fully clothed, like Heng, Charles and Wenhui. Haha. What are we doing man!? For me as usual, you know i don't look good so no pt ba...wahaha.
I had to depart early around 3+ to fetch my dad home from his workplace. I tell you if you don't go early, be prepared to cross hills to get to the beach (think about the return trip to the carpark, it's worse) A nice drive out, and we were off to town to drop Rensheng and Wenhui. Esther followed me and we had a little chat about her career. Gave some advice from the view of a former DXO department personnel. Certainly hope she will find a better job...After a long trip, I sent her back (forgot she lives in Yishun..ahaha) and my family prepared for the Father Day's treat.
You can treat this as the prologue of the nightmare! We had buffet at Sakura Restaurant in Toa Payoh. Ate all sorts of food like sashimi, sushi, unagi(too sweet), tempura(my family doesn't know there's tempura sauce), chawan mushi(teacup egg)satay, claypot soup, and the usual bits of chicken wings, lobster salad, shark-fin soup, etc. I swear I ate at least 5 times the usual dinner I eat!(but you know i dun eat alot for dinner) What a glutton...haha. But the occassion was good for we hadn't ate together for so long... and I was paying leh.. haha. I say the food was pretty acceptable, the service was acceptable.. and now I have a receipt applicable for a waive off of cover charge at Toa Payoh KBox, anyone wants it? It's valid till next Thu. To finish off, I had some ice cream..no I mean, a lot of ice-cream....oops.
It was pretty much a waste of my entire week's effort...haha. Back to zero again.
Okie now to drive the nightmare bug away, I shall write it down here and freeze the bug in this blog. Haha. Actually it's quite an interesting nightmare.
I was a member of a group of people...din noe what they do, but apparently it was led by an old lady and we had missions to do. I had the power to jump around very quickly like everyone do..but not flying.. i dun understand...no teleportation either..haha. Anyway, the setting was like some dark angmoh city...like Gotham City? But it was a seaside city... the border of the country. And later into the nightmare, I turned into a spy and was discovered by the old lady who immediately announced my capture. I had to escape...first I created a duplicate of myself and sent him on the run(like kage bushin?) and then I changed my looks (sounds like Orochimaru) and then I hid in the group openly as another person... made some nice friends, a special relationship with a girl...until while we were discussing something she realised that i was the spy..of course had to run again but this time i was much faster than her, and hid around the area...until she discovered me while i was running away from another spy hunter... then she said she will let me go...so i escapted through the window...into another building... was hiding pretty well until i got into a trap and got to click some stuff to save myself...but clicked wrongly and it exploded...i can recall the explosion sound very vidly...as if it was very near...but personally in real life i had never heard an explosion b4...i screamed and woke up...my brother is a deep sleeper so he never heard my scream...haha.
Anyway, the moral of the story is, don't play and eat too much in one day! Otherwise you will get nightmares! Eh...anyone has any formula to get sweet dreams instead...they usually avoid me...sigh... this should be enough! it's 6.09am le.. 50mins passed by.
Hate nightmares
Jeffire
Acknowledged my existence at
5:19 AM
Friday, June 17, 2005
It's the Friday night!! By the time you read this it should be Saturday~ but I will be at Sentosa running my guts out chasing the ball or the frisbee...haha. Too bad I have no girls joining the group, so mission failed. But never mind... it's an army chaps' outing so we will enjoy the sun, the sea and the wind~ woohoo!! I dun like the salty seawater though...wahaha.
These few days...were pretty fine~! As usual, I have lotsa stuff to do, like SCS, MIC, and my dad's business, not including the work I have to do for my job! Actually my job is pretty fine, for now I have made myself the 'ultimate backup' when it comes to picking up calls. Anyway, I have a piece of good (or bad) news from my GM, Fiona, that we will be holding the golf outing for a corporate client on 30-31 Jul, a weekend! It will be at JB, pretty nearby~ I wonder apart from the preparation, what will I be doing there... Nonetheless it seems an interesting experience and I hope in the future I will get to go overseas more often, perhaps to Thailand, to China etc. I haven't taken a plane ride in my life! Maybe I should go fly somewhere during my birthday..but no, I have decided on a beach destination in Malaysia, either Tioman, Desaru or Phuket. The first 2 are pretty near, the last one quite far..hmm.. not too sure how should I go about getting there...especially when I don't know any Thai! Perhaps Tioman seems good, for we can go there by ferry..hehe. Wait, I have yet to ask anyone who may be able to join me...argh. By that time everyone would have begun the new term...gee. What to do.. everyone's busy. Perhaps again I can go alone and then I will just go there visit the places of interests and buy stuff.. BUT I still hope I can get people to go with me...hmm..
Been plagued by uncomfortable sleep, nitemarez!...and i dunno why my back feels sore...the upper back.. Most demoralising thing is -> every morning I have to pick what to wear and iron it...so troublesome. That's the problem if you work in the CBD, you gotta look 'presentable' and I'm always 'unpresentable' haha...
To end off the Friday blog, I shall introduce some nice food to eat around the Tanjong Pagar area!
1. Amoy St Food Centre
This one is easy to find, just ask anyone at the MRT if you can't find it, but to get there, alight at Tanjong Pagar MRT, and exit through exit G (Telok Ayer St). Then just follow the covered walkway and tada! I recommend the lor mee stall on the 2nd floor, furthest away from the MRT, the wanton mee #02-123 (the one I mentioned on my MSN nick) and boss said char kway teow...but i dunno which stall cos i can't eat char kway teow for the time being.
2. Kiliney Kopithiam (Singapore Chinese Orchestra, Shenton Way)
Okie, to get there, you just exit through the exit going to CPF building and then walk towards Shenton Way. It's just on the left of the big Partyworld KTV you can see there (oei chaps, when are we going KTV again!!?) The menu changes everyday, but that day I had the Thai Chilli Fish with rice..$5.20! It's slightly more expensive but it's good~ Haha.
3. Planet Smoothie + Nonya Express (CPF Building, Robinson Rd)
Okie, same exit through the exit going to CPF building but u-turn and get to front of the building. There's a set meal a smoothie + a sandwich for $7.90. Looking at the menu, there are some 'fat burner' smoothies... I don't know how they burn fat, they taste somehow sour for I had one.. can't rem the name. The sandwich I had was cheesy~hahaha. I prefer meatless stuff nowadays.
Okie there are plenty to eat around there, so if I get to know anymore I will keep you updated, but if you know of any nice and cheap food to eat around Singapore, feel free to jio me to try~ hahaha. Ya, but maybe add in 'healthy food' for the time being as I'm on special diet...only my mother's cooking I cannot reject even if it's unhealthy..haha. Okie, hope the girls in office understand why I dun eat all the snacks you girls eat...
And ya, somehow Bon and Aloy's intro about California Fitness has made me think twice about gymming! Anyway my target is not to look buff, but in fact, to look lean and slim, so maybe I still have to think twice about going to the gym... if i go there i will be doing all the cardio stations! haha. maybe i have to do some weights too but i'm pretty weak leh..arghz. i've asked Kevin to bring me to a gym for a trial run because the biggest reason i dun like about gym is the stupid aircon. haha. weird rite? well it's becos i prefer being in a hot environment when my body temperature is high... yep. I hate cold places anyway... wahaha. i've been in a walk-in freezer and it's super chiling!
But now i'm sweating like siao.. juz played 3 hrs of football...hehe. and ya, guys, maybe i still look siansian these days it's becos there's nothing to be happy about....yep. if there is something genuinely happy, i will not hide it lor!
sweating like siao
jeffire
Acknowledged my existence at
9:32 PM
Monday, June 13, 2005
After consulting many many people....JK, Joyce, Huiling, Serenez...and reading all the comments, I felt that I was really too childish...and ungentleman. It's like complaining behind people's back - that's definitely not a person I am...
I was really shocked from HL's guess, maybe all of you, my dear colleagues, are reading my blog...maybe one read it, and told the others... like HL said, girls like to share stuff together...yesh. Now I understand it very much. I really want to make an apology over it and rest assured that I'm learning it the hard way...how to be a real nice guy...how to be the person i want to be...
how much i had changed from the past!
in my pri sch days, i gave the impression to many friends that i'm very intelligent..
going into sec sch, i couldn't mix well with the people because i thought i was very intelligent..but how wrong i could get. i offended many many people...and got myself onto the fine line between the condemned and the majority...was a good friend to many of those condemned while i was still doing fine with the majority...during those days, i worked in the weekends when they went out to play... i never visited a single cinema to watch any movie...i only went out with friends to play soccer... to play table tennis...to play video games...all the cheap thrills..
then i went on to YJC...was well known for my eccentric actions...like carrying a Pikachu bag to school...like adding Japanese words to my talking... like doing all the difficult things that people didn't like to do...but general impression was that i was a difficult to get along person...because i demanded alot. I really demanded alot because I really dun have alot of things that normal people had...like good friends...possessions... talents...looks... i was jealous of most people but on the other hand i really worked hard to gain recognition on other fronts... i worked very hard for the girl i really liked...only to be killed off by fate... i worked very hard, that's why i demand as much effort as others..but how wrong i could get! since then i became even more eccentric..but many of my schmates still felt that i was doing fine...luckily i got to know a great group of people...like the 7seas brothers, like the student councillors...etc. i was proud to be with them...they knew what i could do, what i hated...heh.
On to army.. impression at my first post in CPC was that i was very hardworking...was that i was alwiz going around to tok to ppl...emailing them like friends... then because i wanted to go combat, i left the 'heaven' and went to HQ SA...many people felt that i was very lucky...but only those who worked with me knew how 'lucky' i was...haha. we all had a great time working hard together, playing hard together...Charles said that on first impression i always give people a feeling that i'm a big shot..yah...i'm indeed am one. haha. but as time went on, they got to know me as the super football enthusiast (i was the "director of football"~), the siao guy who stayed in when we could go home everyday and that i lived only 1.5km away from camp.. (hey i could sleep in peace till 7am and still get to parade on time...free water to bathe...free fan..free electricity..why not), the one who alwiz stayed back in the office to do work (and got accused of 'acting hardworking by my superior' when some others took so many canteen breaks and smoke breaks and went home earlier than me)...it took some time for people to get to know what i am..
when sch began, it was a torturous experience...had a fire at home... couldn't get myself accustomed to normal school stuff... i hate sch to the core...hated the life... but work still had to go on..and i treated work more importantly than knowing people...more than interacting with them...i'm like a machine... and worse off, i couldn't contribute much to many things because they required resources which i dun have...coming from a poor family...how to mix with the rich kids out there? endured on and finally got to the point where i have some real nice friends who could endure my idiotic antics...endure my eccentricity...listen to my problems...ya..u noe who u r..heh. 2nd term was much better because of these people...thank god. i was still working every weekend and din really spend much time enjoying life with others...but they understood so...phew.
The long holidays arrived but i took some time to find the job i so wanted.. yes...i found it.. but the one and a half weeks were so much like heaven...never had work in such a nice place b4...i would never had thought of making such a terrible mistake...just 3 entries... today going to work will be a totally worrying experience.. it will be a totally different thing. my friends say just have to act normal...yes... i said, my normal is everyone's abnormal... haha.. what to do? i am doing everything i can to be the person i want to be...
in the anime Naruto...Naruto wants to be Hokage, the best Leaf ninja because he wants to be acknowledged by everyone his existence. He wanted to protect all those who acknowledged his existence...he wanted to protect the girl he liked, he wanted to win those who said he was the lousiest... Gaara, the sand ninja, on the other hand, was born with miraculous powers... he was the Kazekage's son and he had people serving him, he had the sand to protect him automatically...but he couldn't control it and hurt many people..thus earning the wrath of everyone in the village.. in the end he decided that he wanted to kill everyone else except himself because that will only strengthen his own feeling of his existence..but after he met Naruto...he understood why people wanted to protect their loved ones...why friends are so important... he didn't want to be alone anymore.. and thus a new Gaara was born. And here on the background I put his picture down...
I want to be a new person like I had always said all the time. And I am doing it all the time...writing problems here is like a review session...writing achievements here is like a review session... it's where i recall what i did right and wrong... it's where people can tell me what i did right and wrong...u can read every post and eventually u can see how the tone of it has shifted...although sometimes it gets peppered with lotsa stupid stuff like complaints but i'm human afterall...sometimes need to release some anger...and it's only when i think i'm very wrongly understood that i write about others to make a point about them....but of course...i dun write well, dun speak well, and therefore i end up making mistakes...
Gaara doesn't want to be alone anymore, so do I.
Thinking hard...
Jeffire
Acknowledged my existence at
2:07 AM
Saturday, June 11, 2005
I went back to office to do some SCS stuff today despite Saturday being a non-working day. Took some 10mins to do some real work for my boss, but the rest of the day was devoted to SCS. Took a few hours to clear my debt, whilest the 2 gals on shift were watching anime. I even had to take their calls because they were too engrossed in watching the anime. Apart from that, I agreed to helping them buy McDonald breakfast and ended up rushing from home and out...
All my effort did not even bring a smile to their face, although the customary 'thank you' was there.
In the past my doctor said I looked grouchy, Charles said I looked 'dao', my mother said I never look at people when I talk to them....why didn't my mother ask me why? why am i like that? Francis once complained to me that I talk like I'm so big shot...not willing to help with a wider heart.
It was then I realised maybe I should change my attitude. Yet as much as I can change, there are many principles that I cannot change just to accomodate most of the people out there, who are all so selfish and self-centred, who only cares about the important people around them...what about those unimportant people? I really tried to change my attitude... you know...i am really trying very hard, by getting to know more ppl, being more friendly...i really hope to be a good interactor, and more importantly, a good listener...i want to help solve problems, help people to be happy, help people to realise their dreams... i dun wan them to be unhappy...
but i end up being unhappy myself.
Must I participate in people's gossiping, play with girls, joke with them in order to show that i'm actually quite easy to get along with...? When I am nice to people, and they all say i'm very nice, but after all this i end up walking behind or in front alone, while everyone laugh and talk among themselves?
The one question will be, do I have to priotise one person and sacrifice all my good intentions for everyone I want to help? If I give everything to one person, what is left for me to give the rest? Which girl will ever understand that if she wants everything to herself, it will be nothing left for everyone else?
These 2 days had been very bad days...bad luck and stuff like that. No.. i din bet on any soccer... juz lost this, got into that trouble, etc etc.. and people still want me to do this do that...i know i'm capable, but i'm not ever-usable, not always the perfect one although i really try to...everything i do, if i'm serious, it will be done well...
BUT
there are times i have to rest..i have to get away from work...i have to clear my mind for the next important thing to do...even when I want to play soccer to relax, the rains pours on me...and the guy who was pracitising with me was real good...
These days I'm dreaming of going for a survival game in the jungles...but i really dunno which jungle will be worth going to...any ideas? yes, i'm either mad or weird, but that's my prob and i have my reasons for doing so. those reasons are legitimate and worth making the choice for.
before i pen off, i copy down my MSN nick here...i wrote this myself...
我和你之间隔着一座桥 想走过去 却没办法鼓起勇气
你和我隔着一段距离 有如双平线 永远没有交叉的结界
Between me and you lies a bridge, I want to walk over to you, but I don't have the courage to do so.
Between you and me lies a great distance, like parallel lines, forever there won't be a meeting point.
my name is
jeffire
Acknowledged my existence at
8:33 PM
Friday, June 10, 2005
Sianzzz...
Tonight I will have to attend a wedding dinner on behalf of my family because my parents are not available. They are eating vegetarian for the past few days and will be at some religious event helping out. Tomorrow is the dumpling festival! But seems to have no dumplings around my home at all...arghz.
Thanks to Clarissa, I managed to get the USB cable from her and downloaded some 7 songs into my handphone and that has made my everyday commuting much more enjoyable. Thank you very much!!
On Wed, WJ and I went for lunch at Amoy St and there is this wanton mee @ $2.50 where we had 5 fried wanton and 5 soup wanton, plus lotsa char siew and the a full plate of noodles. Apart from the filling and cheap meal, I must say the noodles and the soup were of high quality. No wonder the queue was so long! We queued for 25mins before we could get the food. Amoy St Food Centre has many many nice food, cheap and good! Haha. Next time must bring you guys there.
Recently I've been in contact with my brother's juniors who play soccer at the void deck. I really enjoy playing with them because they are very receptive to new ideas! I played pretty well on Wednesday too, thanks to our good chemistry~ Yay!
Yesterday (Thu) I got to meet up with Pius, Zhibin, Jason, and Nigel. We had a great time walking around Heartland Mall and eventually the sunny walk to Upper Serangoon SC. Nowadays the SC is so 'lok kok'. Even the arcade and pool centre had closed down. (No more LAN for Jinki!) Eventually we sat down at a stall and had a long chat...so fun to know more about life in Canada (Nigel is pursuing overseas studies there) and also it was so funny to recall our lives in secondary school...ah..those days. When we all departed, Zhibin and I walked together from Serangoon to AMK where I parted him at the bus stop. It was really a good walk....exercise + catching up.. heh. But when I got home I was so tired that I slept after watching Channel U Superstar and Channel 8 serial drama..
Speaking of the Channel U Superstar, there was this guy who was slightly featured on tv after he was knocked out and requested a re-try. But of course there isn't any retry allowed so the host let him sing in this feature. Coincidentally he sings like Jeff Chang and my brother says he looks like me. (But I think I am much better looking). And then I recalled seeing him at the last autograph session by Jeff Chang, where he sung on stage in a mini-competition. He stunned the crowd by singing like Jeff Chang, but I felt he wasn't really that good. I'm not very good either, but at least I am not stuck only knowing how to sing one singer's song... I can sing a variety of songs...haha. Next year we will go take part in this Superstar competition if got time... should be able to get into at least the 3rd round for some of those who passed the 2nd round...I really think my brother and I are much better than them. And of course some of my friends who also can go for the 3rd round...esp the MIC guys and perhaps Qinyi, Vivian, Joyce, Charmaine, Celine, Fern, and Yicui etc. Maybe we should gather and form a SMU Superstar team to join next year.. hahaha.
Okie some updates from work. Like I said before, I will be going to JB to run a golf tournament, but my boss asked me if I could accompany him to Japan for golf course recce...oh man, too bad my formal Japanese isn't good enough otherwise I would grab the chance. But but but, I have asked Akie to help and she has shown interest. My boss says he is fine with getting Akie to help! Yay..~ Maybe I should go polish up my spoken Japanese and then I can also fly to Japan for work. Now looking for a Korean speaker so that boss can also go Korea for golf course recce. Heh..why I dunno Korean!! a bit wasted hor?
Finally ...been living quite well in the office. Everyone's like a good friend for each other...nothing much...Only the unfortunate thing is that when I was writing this she walked to my station and asked me some questions...oops. Luckily my YJC councillor name tag diverted her attention. Phew.
I have lotsa work to do for my CCA..arghz. Sianz... my home computer also down for the time being...my brother will fix it.
Time to leave the office...heh.
Sianzzzzzzz...
Jeffire
Acknowledged my existence at
12:20 PM
Monday, June 06, 2005
Broke the usual 3-4 days blogging pattern because it was another worth to remember day! No..no. Nothing about XYZ, XX, ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ.
First to report is that a few days ago I had a dream of Dan breaking through a jail.. I certainly hope it's a good omen. I guess I still worry about him quite a bit despite really not knowing how can I help him..sigh.
Second to report is that today I went to the golf course and rode on a buggy!! Yay!! Our boss brought us to Laguna National Golf and Country Club near the airport. It's the second best golf course in Singapore. I tell you, the facilities are fabulous! Next time we should go there play golf...haha. If we have the money, that is. Walking on the golf course is really relaxing, but tiring.. You have to walk a lot to find your ball...walk alot from the tee-box to the fairways to the greens... arghz. Luckily there is the buggy, but it's also tiring to drive a buggy! I mean, it's tiring because the golf course is huge...After walking and drive rounds to different holes, our boss treated us at the clubhouse. He recommended us to eat laksa which only I did, and Eugene ate a whole pizza himself while the girls shared a plate of fried rice. I say the food and the view of the course is real good...and of course if you are not footing the bill, it's even better! Haha.
Third to report is that yesterday I played some soccer at the street soccer court and my brother's friends were there...Pong and co. They all wanted to add me to their MSN! And discuss football stuff with me...they like me to coach them, but technically I'm not good at all so how to coach them!? Can only teach them tactics and playing mentalities...but I still think the most important thing is to improve while having fun~ haha.
Lastly, okie, I still can't get the alphabetic codings off, but Charles has been pretty interested in understanding the whole situation. He hopes I won't two-time! For god's sake, I can't even get one, how to get two!? However I really understand what he means and yes, my dear brother Jinki... I know I know! I went to the PC Show again on Sun with WJ and apologised to him already. I told you he's a very forgiving, gracious, easy-going person! No hard feelings. I guess he's very happy to know about the staff canteen in the airport! Heh. Nice food and clean tables hor.
Now I have to wonder who the unknown commentators, Counte and Marriane are, I guess it's Soo but don't think his grammar is that good. I guess it's Nigel, but I also think that he wouldn't want to bother about my problems...haiz. Anyway, I enjoy solving mysteries although I'm not very clever, but one day the answers will be out...haha..I also know that some of my friends read the blog but dun comment...hehe. Thanks pals~
See you guys soon~
Jeffire
Acknowledged my existence at
10:26 PM
Sunday, June 05, 2005
A memorable weekend I had!
First, let's just round up the previous post by thanking my dear big brother Jinki for finally giving some "tips", wahaha, thanks a million pal..
I wonder if I should talk about today first or yesterday first...maybe today first...okie, so it was a bloody long day.
I woke up 7am in the morning, then dilly dally till I got out home at 8+am, reached school only at 930am and then had a long meeting with my M.I.C friends...a pretty productive, entertaining meeting! Haha.
After that, I went to Singapore Expo and checked out the stuff for my friends and myself. Eventually I bought a Samsung DVD+-RW drive at $89! Bargain sia...cos when I went Sim Lim right after that, it was on sale for $109.
Okie, but I was already very tired with all the walking. Had to wait for the guys to arrive so out of curiousity I walked into Topman at Bugis to look at the clothes. Man, they are all so nice!! Maybe should buy my next shirt there.. I looked at my empty arms so I bought a white wristband.. haha. Wonder if it fits me or not, but heck. That was my first Topman purchase in my life!
After that I met the guys right outside the shop, had a great chat and wait at Mos Burger, then Junkai arrived and we continued our updates, discussions and stuff... Time for dinner came by very soon so we proceeded to the opposite street, Liang Seah Street to wait for Clarissa and Lixia to come. It was a very enjoyable dinner while we chatted and ate Yu Kee Duck Rice there. Unfortunately the rice was slightly harder, sigh.. next time go other place enjoy cheap and good food wor!
Junkai had to go work so we went to have a walk while we continued to update each other, and time was soon up and we bidded him goodbye. After that we continued to shop around, and Alex got himself 2 nice black singlets. With that, as the night was still young, we went to TCC for a drink and some more stories...until 11+pm when Kevin had to meet some girls. He dragged the ever trustable Alex along to meet them and we had to say goodbye. They forgot to say goodbye to the girls though as they were at the washroom. Finally, we packed up and went our ways. I must say it was really a very enjoyable outing although I am super tired out (yet still awake enough to blog this...haha)
Yesterday was a series of weird events. Firstly, I kena overtime in the office so I had to stay till 6pm for work plus boss was treating dinner...,ie, will be together until late evening. However here I had to admit that I lied to WJ that I couldn't have lunch with him despite his very best to accomodate my time. He even offered to pack me lunch as he thought I was stuck in the office. I have to say a big SORRY to him...why? Okie, at 12.05pm we had to decide who would go lunch first and later, but I left it to the girls to decide. (let's get a codename, say, XYZ, got meaning wan! but u need to guess haha) So XYZ won the 'scissors paper stone' and got to go lunch first with another gal (2 by 2 mah)...(everytime they decide like that...haha) Then because the other guy wanted to go lunch later, so she asked me if I wanted to go with them. Of course! Apart from being super hungry(this is the main reason ok, my poor WJ), I should take the chance mah. Haha..hope WJ understands the situation...(surely some will say '重色轻友'...really spoils my reputation...but what to do...let me be a sinner for once.
In the evening, we proceeded to dinner at a very nice restaurant called Noble House at UIC Building, Shenton Way. There was a wedding ongoing there! After some random sitting, XYZ was sitting right opposite me across the table.. so fated huh. Our boss treated us a la carte buffet! Nice boss right!!? So we had a ton of great food which was hardly finished for the girls couldn't eat and it was very much seafood, which I can't eat alot too, except the fish which I gladly downed. Then after dinner, boss came out with a very interesting but alarming idea, in which everyone had to fork out $2 as a stake and then we will guess how much the bill was. The winner will be the one closest to the biil amount. So boss went one round the table and inputting the guesses into his handphone... I guessed $410. XYZ guessed $400, but since my GM oredi guessed that, boss didn't allow so. Then she guessed $450. When the bill came, guess what? It was $430.05! Man, so coincidental we both got it right but she won the stakes courtesy of the 5 cents... Hahaha.
On the way back, XYZ had to go back to the office to get something, but since I had nothing to get and boss offered to send me to the MRT, I had a ride in his Alfa Romeo! Cool. He told me many things about himself....which I was quite surprised. After thanking him and wishing him to enjoy his time at the golf club, I was waiting at the notice board to ponder if I needed to do something..so I smsed her to see they were really sending her home directly (she lives in TJPG) and asked if she needed a bodyguard... but nope.. she din. So I just took the train and went back.
When I got online, I had a few friends who wanted to talk to me like Jason, Chris and Huiling, each with their stories to tell and share and had a few friends whom I wanted to talk to...haha. Just hope you guys din find me a nuisance..haha.
I guess I will just take it easy and observe more of the situation first...My GM says she will bring me to JB to help her run the golf tour there! WOooooo... fun rite?
Had a long super tiring but super enjoyable fun day. Spent alot of money! Okie, guess all of you are tired too! May you enjoy a great week ahead.
Ready to sleep 12hrs
Jeffire
Acknowledged my existence at
1:53 AM
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
I told ya! The last post is sure very provocative~ The array of responses really did surprised me! And very very happy that some friends did manage to read between the lines (no no.. not about the office people, dun get mistaken...) Gee, sometimes I also dunno how should I respond to your grilling... happy or scared? 2 forces pull me apart but I am still savouring every moment I stay awake...
So I betcha you guys want some latest updates from the office...haha. stay tuned as I ramble on the past 3 days..
Today I went for lunch at Amoy St with....who else but my buddy WJ! Haha. It was really nice to see him again after our last soccer meetin! He introed me some of the nice things to eat there and I say there are indeed MANY nice things to eat in that area.. man, just thinking of it makes me want to eat there again tomorrow...but it's really very crowded just judging from the flocks of people on the roads...it was 2.10pm when we reached there so it was pretty easy to find a nice seat.. had lor mee!! Haha.. very very nice! Den drank this ice mint coffee...it was slightly thinner than I liked but still very nice too! I like mint stuff alot... heh. And really glad that WJ still remembers I like eating vegetarian food! Haha...appreciate that very very much although eventually we ate lor mee! Haha. No worries man.. good food is good food, cannot tahan wan!
After that I brought WJ to the office and dunno why he din take the chance to tok to the girls....haha. Muz be my fault because I din intro him.. haha. I tot i would let him intro himself becos he always very shy wan...muz endure some training! But it was not good so I wasn't helpful enough to help him know more girls.....haha. Sorry pal! But if you really want to know them there's still plenty of chances...hehe.
So for the past few days I was faring fine being pretty punctual to work...the morning trains aren't really that bad as I thought, but at some stops it was really squeezy at the entrances...some people just don't bother to move in for those people who are squeezing there! Arghz..
Yesterday marked the first day I embarked on my 'climb the stairs' plan! I mean my office is on the 10th floor so rather than taking the lift I climb the stairs! I start to pant on the 7th level! Arghz.. it's pretty good a morning exercise but it looks weird as I step into the office panting.. haha. Quite paiseh leh..but too bad it's necessary...I haven't done much exercising these days except for the rush to work and the rush back home...
Okie okie.. I know you guys are getting bored reading till this point because you want more juicy stuff rite!? I tell you straight in the face - Go check my friendster account. Haha. That's all I can say.
Sincerity is the best thing I must say. I must be sincere and honest. I must be truthful and like what many of you said, just be myself. Whatever I like, I want, I do is my own choice, my own problem and I will just want to be myself. No faking here...
Heaven, gimme a little more time to stand at the door...dun lock it up... i am not sure if I can open it so soon...
Mind's a mess
Jeffire
Acknowledged my existence at
11:32 PM
