砂漠のJeffire

Jeffirean Stories

Thursday, April 21, 2005

It has been a real fall from the sky. All the way from the top of the sky to the the botton of the valley. Wham!

Firstly, I blew $110 over the past 2 days with the following:

1. Bluetooth adapter - $30 - It doesn't work as I want it to.
2. Cab fare - $30 - For a lesson on life
3. PC repair - $50 - For a lesson on how stupid I have become over the years.

Well, I really regret the $50 for the computer repair! It was just a little, little error which I could have fixed myself. Damn it. What's the point of going through all those trouble trying to learn hardware fixing all those years when I can't even fix such a simple problem myself... sigh.

As for the cab fare incurred, it was because I was at Silun's friend's home who is a very young guy, 28 and semi-retired. He can be described as a 'mentor', like Robert Kiyosaki's rich dad. I guess he's really right - I do not have the business heart. As most of you probably know, I am quite a business person...yes, one who talks but never do. This guy, he earned his first condo (and it's one that is overseeing the ECP flyover at Tanjong Rhu) when he was only 21. But before that at the age of 20, he lost 150k on a business that failed.

What have I done when I was 20? I was dreaming of what kind of life I will spend in SMU...how fun it will be to be leaving army..... it's all rubbish. Life in school is an absolute torture. I don't get to learn the way to do real business, and I have to endure stupid people in school who think that life is only about graduating with good results and find a job. Hey, good results DOESN'T guarantee you with a job, man. That's what I think. But that guy is very straightforward and he told me how wrong I can get even though I am thinking about the right things to do in life. It's because I never DO and therefore I never EXPERIENCE, hence my naivety.

Yes, I have been too naive over the past few months. What's with helping other people at the suffering of my own? How much can I help when I have nothing? No experience, no resources, no skills.... and yet many of my friends still think I'm 'doing pretty fine'. Of course I'm 'doing pretty fine', it's all because many of my friends are doing much worse than me. Sorry to be saying that, but if I'm only better because you are lousy, then there is no point at all.

So now, while I'm still very sore and angry at myself for being so stupid, I will have to do a few more things to become better.

a. Be more ruthless.
I have been softening so much that everyone else has taken me to be an idiot to be made use of. It's time to stage a fightback.

b. Be less accomodating
This is gonna be tough because I already have very few friends. But if they truly are my friends, they will understand why I cannot give so much as before.

c. Be more courageous
Yes, this is what I really lack. I need to be more brave and be less calculative of the possible gains and losses. I need to learn to be real and face up to reality.

If you felt my angst, you will stop telling me how good or okay I am, just tell me what the hell is wrong with me now.

Fiery
Jeffire

Acknowledged my existence at
11:38 AM