砂漠のJeffire

Jeffirean Stories

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

It's 3.40am in the morning!

My entire biological clock has been screwed up with the resuming of the Champions League last week and nowadays I can't sleep when everyone else in Singapore is sleeping. Damn.. The good thing is that days are hot and that makes me more perky during the day. Unfortunately, I'm still suceptible to air-conditioning-induced-sleep-syndrome(ACISS) so probably during class I gonna doze off again. Yawnz!

The midterm break was a real bad idea...not only did I screw my bio-clock up, it meant that the professors had excuses to give us more work, especially my finance class! And as usual, I have never submitted my homework, so for this time I gonna take my time to do it since the deadline has been extended to Fri. As for MA, I wonder how am I gonna do it because I simply have no discipline at all to begin. The project hasn't really begun yet but the presentation is next week. For AS, I have yet to begin the search for fallacies.. hope they fall into my arms the next few days... For BGS, the midterm test is this Sat but I guess I won't go and bother to study the notes and textbook for it.(I don't have the textbook anyway) Probably will look through the past papers instead. Then the project is still in the infant stage.. arghz. What am I doing!?

Instead, I actually feel happier working. Firstly I get to solve real life problems, especially when people get angry with the system, with the entire advertising gimmick and stuff like that. Secondly, it's easier to follow instructions than to come out with instructions. Maybe I should quit school to work instead. Thirdly I have always hated homework because I don't like to sit down to solve questions that have no real effect in life. (oh maybe they affect my grades, but to me, grades dun affect my life). Therefore I conclude that I really have no interest to stay in school. Am I taking the easy way out, like the US youngsters(Bill Gates said they were inadequately prepared for college, and I think I am, too). Probably it was because of NS, the long break from school has made me no longer suitable for the academic rigour. Yeah, that should be the best excuse.

Everyone else works so hard for their schoolwork. What is their aim? I don't have any academic aims now and nobody to work for. You guys keep saying I should work for myself, but I myself think that school is pretty much useless now. It costs me money to go to school, and makes me unhappy when there is so much work, nobody to help and everyone chasing me for my time. And ridiculously, there are those who give themselves so much time for personal stuff, including studying, but give the minimum for group projects, expecting others to work things out for them. Man, I wonder I should give up schooling soon. Maybe when I'm older and more mature I will return.

I am the egoistic, childish, spoilt guy who wants the whole world to revolve around me. I am naive and idealistic, thinking everyone will give their best for the organisation or the work they have. I am overconfident that I will survive. I am insolent to think that everyone else is wrong. I am mad to think that school isn't important when I am currently a so-called undergraduate. I am hopeless when it's 3.59am in the morning and blogging instead of doing any of the homework which I have left undone over the break.

So much for being the great o Jeffire. Despite having such a nice name, I am actually such a piece of trash. WHY must it end up like this? I have nothing to my name and I have nothing to lose by giving my best. But why can't I give my best? Why am I no longer the Jeffire with the desire to succeed?

I have fallen in my role as a pillar of strength to the people around me. Now I understand how Dan feels.

"My heart is dead. There is no meaning in my existence on this Earth anymore. Since life is short, why should I work so hard and make myself unhappy? I should relax and enjoy the time as it passes by."

So much for dreaming of all the goals, targets and future plans. I cannot cry because I am not sad. I am angry and disappointed. What should I do in concrete terms? Tell me how!!! Begin by clearing my personal issues? Begin by clearing my homework? Begin by taking the lead in the projects? Tell me.

You have just read a post-mortem report of somebody who has over-relaxed. Please take note that this patient has just passed away and we are in the midst of reconstructing his heart and mind so that he will evolve into a machine capable of surviving in the stressful, competitive and high-paced society.

Wishes for a breakthrough
Jeffire

Acknowledged my existence at
3:38 AM