砂漠のJeffire

Jeffirean Stories

Sunday, February 06, 2005

ZzZzzZ..

Sleep is a rare commodity now. The price of sleep is so steep that it is now a premium product.

Projects are piling in and the mid-terms! They are like small little knives that constantly poke you at your limbs...you are stuck in the bloody mess, with nobody helping you to relieve the pain by driving the knife through your heart. Everyone knows things are getting more and more complex, but they still have simplistic outlooks for themselves...geez. If the corporate world was so relaxed, we wouldn't have so many scandals to look through today.

One major time-sapping activity is preparation for Chinese New Year. Every year I have to be dragged by my parents to buy clothes. My mother, on one hand she tells me to cut expenses because my dad's salary and bonus have been cut, and we are moving house next year which will require funds; and on the other hand, she says we should buy good looking clothes, new clothes for a start to the new year. I cannot catch any sense of what she means, but I know we definitely have to cut expenses and hence the reluctance to buy clothes.

Nonetheless, till now I have new clothes given to me by Kevin and Jinki: a pair of FOX Men jeans and a red long sleeved t-shirt of the same brand), one business shirt and pants, and a 77th Street bracelet. I am indeed fortunate to have gotten these, because I am sure there are many out there who will have to make do with the old stuff...hope they find some happiness despite not having what most of us have...

I was at the John Little warehouse sale just now at Singapore Expo. They had a great sale and the top items I wanted to get are things that you may find amusing:

a. underwear
b. bedsheets

And that's about all! I always liked to go John Little to purchase underwear...geez. I like white or red briefs. (I like red and white colours for apparel)

I am still wondering how Dan is doing at the moment...went to Tampines Sports Hall after work to try my luck but he was not there...

My last thoughts...

What will I be, when one day, I decide to be no longer myself? Will I be an evil person, who only cares about fulfilling desires? Or will I be a idiot who acts as though nothing has happened and will happen - a person with only a mind of a self-centred universe? If I decide to be some other personality, what will I lose?

I ponder...and my answer is

All people wear a mask to hide their true-selves. The true personality of a person will be revealed when life and death confront him straight in the face. I will definitely give up life if it means others can be saved. I am sure it hurts many others, but I am also sure the same people who are to be hurt can understand why I took the decision so. Personally, I think there is nothing to cling on to in my life. I have nobody who so much so desires my presence at all available opportunites, and therefore, I see no reason for my existence anyway. But I will regret that I have so many dreams I had yet to TRY MY BEST for...

As for what will I become, I suppose I will become a totally different person. One that doesn't give a damn for others' sake. One that has no idea of others' pain. One that rejects the notion of giving for receiving. It's not evil, but it's just an overdose of self-gratification. Desires are indeed dangerous...

Now, what I hope to get in life in the short term are the following:

a. Improvement (self or others')
b. Sincere recognition for effort and intelligence
c. Keen observation for hints that will lead to hidden answers
d. Sincere smiles
e. A chance to sit back to back with a loved one and feel his/her heartbeat
f. A long long hug
g. A slap on my face
h. Undisturbed sleep, nobody to determine what time I wake up.
i. A chance to talk to those who have fell down/paused indefinitely/drifted away from me recently on the road of life...

I now declare that I am mentally unsound temporarily...confused.

Do you care?
Jeffire

Acknowledged my existence at
3:01 AM