砂漠のJeffire

Jeffirean Stories

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Hello!

Thanks for everybody's concern! Really appreciate it very much.

The term has been a rollercoaster ride... it began very well with the leadership camp, then a enjoyable orientation, but a fire at home evolved into a set back that left me reeling. Then, bad relationship management with the project groups damaged my thinking badly, most notably, the Leadership and Teambuilding group where work was not of utmost importance unless the deadlines were up. Either I was too lousy at communicating my ideas and ideals across, or simply, we were entirely from different worlds. Luckily I had other friends who were very supportive.

The term then escalated into a battle with the exams during the midterm, and of course more project work and CCA stuff, especially from Bizcom. We were in the midst of reshuffling the pack and getting a new image. Needless to say, we didn't manage to realise our visions still and I guess that takes years. Nobody believes in good offers people hand out to you. Likewise in the airport job I am doing, most tourists don't believe that we are there to give them advice and help to enjoy a nice stay in Singapore for free or at the lowest price. I am not paid to get their pockets empty, it's their own choice if they want it empty or not.

After the battles, the cleaning up was terrible. Project deadlines culminated into a series of mini battles with time and different project groups. Worse still, I still didn't manage to kick off the latecoming habit. What to do? When I came early, everyone else is late. When I am late, everyone else is late too, but not as late as me.

There were also plenty of naive people who thought that things were so direct and easy. It actually takes plenty of quality time to do good work, but because of poor target management (or poor followership), quality time was greatly reduced, but expectations remained. I felt disappointed.

Soon the great relief came when the exams arrived. We had 2 weeks to study. Oh I love the break from meeting people! Staying at home is much easier although the computer gave me plenty of problems by getting itself damaged or sick... managed to live through it.

One thing I realised is that most people in school don't think much for the others. Everyone is striving for grades, but nobody cares much about how others live. I wonder why people don't like to share their lives, does telling people the bad news in your life turn them off? Then they must be the fake friends Kenneth mentioned. Although I am not really a great speaker nor a good comforter/advisor/consoler, I really hope that my listening will help to relieve some of your pains. I cannot offer much, for I am poor and worthless. My greatest asset is time, and I am willing to offer my time.

In school, I don't like to stick with the same people all the time. I don't have a good friend sitting beside me in my classes. I just pick the spot I like and usually it's the most corner seat nearest to the door. My answer to your 'why?' is that everyone else have their own cliques and aren't open to additions. I don't mind actually. It makes me look pathetic, but I am in actual fact a very pathetic person. So I shan't hide the fact.

Well, digressed abit, but before the exams came, I was already busy looking for a job. Getting good grades has never been on my priority at all, but surviving through college was. The irritating thing is that my family isn't here nor there. We are not as poor as the government deems, and nowhere as affluent as many others. I believe it's bad money management, and what can I do? I cannot tell my family not to use the aircon (I dun really like aircon anyway), I cannot tell my parents to cut on 4D, I cannot tell my brother to stop eating so much tidbits (I told him but he doesn't listen) and I cannot do without my broadband internet (which cost me $58 a mth) and of course not my handphone ($40+ on a bad month).

The solution is actually very obvious, if I can't cut expenditure I have to raise income. That means working. Even a good opportunity like network marketing I also cannot afford to do. So to work I have to cut time off for people and work. Many people who don't need to fear for the next meal don't understand and I am very sick of these people.

Contemplated quitting school in fact. It is actually something I don't need. However I fear that I will be despised if I quit school. It's all the fault of the Singaporean spirit. No degree=no good job=no good life. I beg to differ. I think there is much more to life than that.

I shall stop here for the moment for this is getting ridiculous and I have been writing incoherently. I cannot write properly.......lousy at the language. But who cares?

By the way, I am perfectly fine now, thanks to all the therapy I have undergone... plus some clearing up of air with Kenn, so I look forward to a better start to the coming new year. I am actually trying to hide some facts by writing so much rubbish so if you do dig up those facts, please keep them in your mind and dun make me repeat them again. Thanks.

I love you people.

Jeffire

Acknowledged my existence at
11:07 PM