砂漠のJeffire

Jeffirean Stories

Monday, July 19, 2004

Surprisingly while I was blogging the last paragraph of the previous entry, JXing dialled me and asked if I wanted to play mahjong the next day. Of course I agreed. We scrambled for players as it was late at night and fortunately we caught Justin and RS. The next day we were at JXing's home playing mahjong. It was a great turnaround by RS when he surged back into contention during the last round... JXing was as superb as ever. I lost my 2nd position to RS as I was always a tad slower than them...haha. In the end Justin lost and had to treat us ice-cream. Well, wonder if playing mahjong in money terms would be more fun than playing with penalties terms. Should we up the ante and make the penalty harsher? However it's difficult to decide penalties unless you are the host and the players are on with it. Wonder if SMU people play mahjong too? Hahaha.

Anyway I had a lazy Sunday without doing much for the day.

Lately I've been doing nothing much at home except the usual washing, cooking, sweeping and mopping. I have no mood to prepare for school anyway, short of thinking if I ought to read some books to improve my English. I feel so empty, unlike the times in NS, where everyday was a day to look to as each passing day signifies a day nearer to ORD. I felt more productive and useful too. And, the best thing was I was paid a regular allowance which allowed me to survive independently without asking my parents for money directly. I'm a sad soul now, unemployed and struggling to live to my expectations. I set my targets, as you can see them on the side panel, but it seems nothing much has progressed. I can't find my preferred evening job because of the upcoming activities which will hinder my employment, like the Student Assoctiation Leadership Camp coming this Fri and also Project Radiance next Mon - Wed. I guess since I'm desperate to be productive (in the sense of being employed, do I sound like a workaholic?), after the project I will snag a job immediately before school starts so that I can plan better in anticipation of the avalanche of work to do. I really enjoy being busy. Hahaha.

Anyway I've been spending my time overleisurely at home being a 'chair potato', yeah as mentioned, apart from doing housework and going for school stuff, i'm always in front of this lousy monitor trying to catch up on the anime One Piece. It is so similar to the days when my mother was watching video tapes of HK dramas at home!

And I've been missing the exercise I so much needed. It makes me so sad when I go out to town to see everyone so nicely dressed, to see the guys so shuai, i just feel like i'm so out of place. It's the same in school. Most people are well dressed, speak well and have no problems putting their face there for everyone.

I guess I have very high expectations of myself. I want to be a much better person than everyone else. Maybe I crave for attention. Yes I believe I'm an attention seeker. HAHAHA. Otherwise I wouldn't be blogging here for the whole world to see?

War with the heart and mind, it's time I do something to make myself feel better.

I miss playing football. It's the only time I feel like I'm a real person with blood and sweat, it's the only time when people will work together as a team, it's the only time when people will look at you to see if you can play football.

Mentally uncomfortable
Jeffire

Acknowledged my existence at
11:26 PM