砂漠のJeffire

Jeffirean Stories

Saturday, April 24, 2004

It's 4am in the morning. Actually I woke up an hr ago, and couldn't sleep any longer. Why? I had a bad nightmare. You know there are like some nightmares that you will just "bah" and it goes but there are others that just stunned you. How evil can my mind get? It's something I cannot comprehend. But here's how bad the nightmare goes (i can't really remember the buildup):

Some scene at night outside a shopping centre or a nightspot. A shuttle bus. I alighted from the bus and was walking to the shopping centre. Realised someone was trying to hug/seduce me while walking with me, turned around and saw someone. Din recognise him until I heard him talking...and realised it was ZB from my secondary class...(kaoz. lewd ideas again?) *skip scene cos really can't remember the buildup* Was watching tv and it was showing something explicit. A woman on the tv. I couldn't see clearly the tv, but the sounds were like she was being raped or something...EXPLICIT. And it sounded bloody loud, so I turned the volume down. My tv in the living room i guess, as I remember I had to press on the tv (i had no remote for my tv in the living room for quite some time 1.5 yrs ago) but the volume never went down, to my horror (saw on tv it was vol 48 and even as I pressed the volume it went up to 50..., and btw, my tv is pretty loud at 13) Then I tried to turn it off because I hated the sound....it was very disgusting. But I couldn't. Suddenly it turned to a scene of a baby crying. Someone asked what to do with the baby.....and the worst thing happened. Saw 3 BIG words on white background. Guess what? It was 'Zhu Lai Chi', in english it means 'cook to eat'. !I am now shivering again at the reenactment!! Help~!..... and again i emded forcing myself out of the nightmare, and I tried to scream, only to hear myself let out a ghastly cry....SCARYYYYYYYYYY!! The worst thing is there was no one in the room anymore. This is the moment where I truly miss my brother!!

Was I possessed by a spirit? This was one of my thoughts when I tried to explain to myself why I had the dream. I have not watched any horror show lately. In the end I put the idea down to 3 causes.

One : The ticking clock beside my bed. I believe I couldn't go to sleep quickly because of the clock. I went to sleep at 12.30 and I was very tired because of all the work in the office and at the bbq.

Two : The food I ate. I ate a lot of stuff which I wouldn't eat normally. BBQ chicken, otah, molten marshmallows....maybe too much. But this wasn't as full as I had during the vegetarian buffet I had on the 10th. Had I sinned?

Three : The past 2 nights where I stayed up to watch the champions league games. It must have fuelled the tv scene....and perhaps reading of Lianhe Wanbao last mth and the mth before. My chinese teacher in sec sch had warned us off this paper because it had lotsa worthless sensational news such as rapes, suicides, horrible stuff. It must have fuelled the last scene...

After I woke up, I thought I would visit the toilet (a childtime belief that going to the toilet after a nightmare is good because your body is trying to scare you to wake up to go to the toilet). The trip was daunting as I had to climb down the stairs of my double decker bed. The 5 steps to the kitchen was filled of darkness. My heart was thumping. After visiting the toilet I decided not to sleep in my room. It was empty and cold.

- One idea I told my friends I never believed a bedroom should be big because if you are alone, the spaciousness reflects very much as emptiness. (Another case of 'seeing the cup half empty" - pessimism). -

So I could only sleep in the living room. Yet under the lights from the altar, and the TICKING of the clock AGAIN, I just felt I should get up. I pondered if I should watch tv, maybe there will be some soccer matches up. But NO! I developed a short term tv-phobia (I never like the tv anyway). In the end I decided to shut the aircon off and get online. (And I hate aircon too)

I have a feeling as I write these down, the reader will be infected with the idea and another nightmare will just recur for the reader. Yet I am the first reader of the blog....argh....

Is my feeling wrong, or is the method I use to dissipate my thoughts on the nightmare wrong?

I guess I ate and thought too much.

Save My Soul~
Jeffire

PS: I guess I really need a really close friend to call for help in the middle of the night. I have noone in mind whom I dare to call.

Acknowledged my existence at
4:37 AM