砂漠のJeffire

Jeffirean Stories

Saturday, March 27, 2004

Yo, just back from my uncle's wedding dinner at Mariott Hotel. It has been some years since I last went to one. Actually I agreed to go to this one after reading Sirong's blog regarding Desmond's wedding dinner, where Sirong was invited to be a part of the 'buddies party' to help him out. I actually went for the sake of gettin to know how a weddin dinner should go about. I mean, perhaps, although of a rare possibility, maybe someday, I will be happily settling down. Most probably I think, I will be asked to be part of the buddies' party of my bros and friends. Imagine the 7seas, I will have 5 bros to help out! That's why I have better be ready to help out, so as to make my brothers enjoy their wedding dinner (to me it's seems more like a show). Hee..brothers, if u are reading this, you betta get my hint. I am not sure if any other people will want to enlist my help, but if it's within my means and my ability, I guess if it includes a free treat at the wedding dinner, no problem. And of course the red packet will be there, so don't worry guys! Hahahaha. Anyway, with my brother's phone cam, I had taken quite a no of photos of my relatives, but unfortunately, I have no means of putting them onto the computer, otherwise I will be glad to show you here.

I read Charles's blog last night. Seems like he has got something to say about me again. Yeah, I agree I am some sort over-demanding, it's just in my blood so as not to lose face! hahaha. Anyway, regarding the cake incident, probably I ought to apologise for my planning blip. Usually I wouldn't have not informed people over the email. I did tell Qinyi I will bring a cake, but I forgot to remind him to remind the participants for a surprise for the birthday boy. How I wish I had an advisor who could tell me "you should have done this, or that". Anyway, things are over now. Every mistake made is a lesson learnt. I will take it as another enriching experience, so hopefully the upcoming birthday celebrations will be much better.

My parents just told me that due to a last min change by my grandmother, this Sun we had to go sweep my granddad's tomb. I was loss for words. I mean, tomorrow the guys will be staying over at my place. Sun morning we are supposed to play soccer. So how am I supposed to go sweep the tomb.....arghzzzzzz.... being stuck in the middle is really a difficult feeling. Anyway what I want to say here is that I have gone over my usual limits in helping people. Really, if Chris was reading this, I have to say "Sorry, but all this while I have been doing much for you. I did it for you because I wanted to be around for you. Usually I don't do that much for my friends unless I know there will be some benefit, but this time I feel that I have done much much more. I hope you understand why sometimes I feel irritated seeing you people, and thus the dull look, the sianz face." Being a leader is really difficult. And when people really look up to you, any big or small thing they will like to consult you. I really dunno how come people like asking me for my opinions or for solutions, am I that good a person? I think most of you are really much more talented and knowledgeable than me, it's just that most of you dun really make an effort to think , or dun want to take a risk to decide on your own. You need assurance, and that assurance you would like it from someone of great influence, great thinking, or just simply trustworthy....I guess I dun quite fit the bill, really...

Just tidied up my room, removed the smelly stuff(yes, my brother's blanket and bedsheet). I just hope tomorrow things will be right. I really do hope so.

Again, returning to the topic on marriage, it has made me wonder if having a girlfriend is that great a feeling.... having someone to love you sounds great. Doesn't having someone to love sounds even nicer? Haha. I dun understand all these. My thinking is, love is decent, innocent, neutral but the strongest power human being can harness. Love doesn't take sides, which is why you have got gays, lesbians around. Love is not a matter of how much you can offer to the person you love, it's a matter of how much you want to bond with the person. Ultimately, love bonds all into one. Love is a power infused in our genes. When you say the ultimate aim of a gene is to replicate itself so as to stay existent, I would say love is the means it uses to succeed in this aim. Yet the contradiction I have here is, love itself is neutral! I guess this could only mean one thing, either my idea of love being neutral is flawed, or the evolution theory is wrong. What do you think then? I guess you are thinking "What the f*** are you trying to say? Why can't you just shut up?"

If your reaction is as above, this is why I choose to keep quiet most of the time. Looking sian is the best way to avoid people from talking to you. Only genuinely concerned people would ask you why you look sian....so you see, this is my way of testing how much I have bonded with each and every of you..

Hahaha. I should be enrolled into Hougang Chalet...nothing I say is of logic now. What to do? When you are hit deeply in your heart, you just want to find any way to make the pain go away. Of course, since it's in your heart, nothing you do outside the heart will make it go away....

Sigh....

Regards
Jeffire

Acknowledged my existence at
12:14 AM