砂漠のJeffire

Jeffirean Stories

Friday, February 13, 2004

Let's just forget about Wed and Thu. Been kinda busy.

Today we were at the Lion's Home for the Elderly. I have only visited an old folks' home once, so wasn't of much of help to the old people. Frankly, I would prefer visiting a kids' home more than an old folk's home. I have a problem communicating to old people because I dun like to talk to strangers, and the bigger problem is, I also have hearing problems. Haha. So when you got the problems all snowballed together, it's simply near to disaster. I am so ashamed of myself. Anyway the highlight of the day was the guys' exaggerated reaction to GJ's magic show. We all know we CANNOT see his magic, yet we all cheered for him so fakingly. I think he realised the gravity of the situation but still had to put up a show for the old people. I also seriously doubt if the old people could understand what he was doing, and maybe most of them couldn't see what he was doing at all. Well, to make it up to him, his playing of the keyboard was very professional.....how am I to compare to him? So in the end the whole went well, I helped to carried the gift box around for distribution, and also act as the lift operator to get the old people back to their resting areas as soon as possible.

The experience leaves us to ponder, would we want to grow old and weak, and become a burden to others, or would we just want to live life as long as we want. I seriously think that most old people when sick, choose to die off by succumbing (pardon the spelling error, if there is) to the illness. They do not want to become a burden to society. This sentiment has also surfaced itself with the increasing no of elderly suicides, especially among the lonely and poor folk. Are we to blame society for leaving them alone when they have outlived their use to society, or are we to blame ourselves, for planning for them to live alone in those old estates, for not pursuing those who abandon their parents, for not volunteering more to take care of such people? I am not so sure who should take the responsiblity but for me, I would not want to live that long if I should become frail and weak, making myself a burden to others and my children. Does my effort and contribution to the bringing up of my children warrants me the right that they should in turn take care of me? I am not sure of that. I have always been very independent. I want to make my own decisions. But if I am old, weak, poor sighted, will I make the correct decisions? I am not sure. I am also not sure how long would I live to, how long I want to live I also not sure. Of course when people are young they think the day is still far away. I mean for me I have always fantasied I lived for another few hundred years but I doubt I would actually do that. How scary it is for us to face death. I am not sure if I am afraid of dying. I am sure I do not want to die now, haha. That's because I still have unfulfilled dreams and demands. What if I die with all these unfulfilled dreams? Will I die with regrets, or will I die saying life is so unfair etc... How can it be unfair? I lived at least 2 decades in comfort, without any handicaps. For the unfortunate, they had suffered for years....life is never unfair.

I will talk about fear later. I have a whole lot of things to talk on the word 'fear' For the time being, let us ponder about life and death, what's the point of living if the end is dying? What is actually death? And all sorts of things about life and death...

Man, this is so saddening. I guess I will write it next time..

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day! Hahaha. 20 yrs without any valentine so it's pretty fine. What's so important about this day anyway? I have yet to comprehend the significance of the day. hahaha. Another topic to talk on another day..

Regards
Jeffire

Acknowledged my existence at
8:56 PM